Annoyed.

Quite annoyed.

When my mum doesn't see me studying I'm "Not Working". When I'm replying an sms I get stuff like "So how's your study? You look more dreamy than anything else." Like what, I'm expected to be studying 24/7??

When I get damn pissed off I get the impression that they just want to drive me crazy.

It'd be nice not to get snide remarks once in a while. It'd be nice to be left alone. It's not easy being in Uni.

2 more papers.

Signing off... ...

Understanding 'Impossible'

Took this off one of Karen's shared items.

Signing off... ...

Hm.

Sometimes when I talk to people who are just very crude or constantly make jokes about other people for no reason or are just generally cruel and inconsiderate, I just lose the desire to talk to the person- Even if I was bursting with things to tell just a couple of seconds before.

Using vulgarities or degrading people when you're really angry for a valid reason is acceptable, but when you just do it 'for fun', or just 'in passing', I just... Can't stand it. For some reason. Don't know if it's weird.

But I guess that's the reason why my close/good friends are who they are- ^^

Manda reminded me about my blog name a while back.. But I'm still thinking of a new title.

Signing off... ...

Glad.

Exam Fever

Exams start tomorrow.

9 a.m.

... ...

Shit.

Signing off... ...

Gone

I feel trapped.

All around.

Work is now my worry, my problem, and yet, my refuge.

I want to break free.

Signing off... ...

I need an outlet

Live by your words

A quote from John Fitzgerald Kennedy:

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

So true.

Empty words mean nothing. Absolutely nothing. If you mean it, do it. Only then can the true meaning be conveyed. If you cannot live by it, don't even mention it. Don't promise anything. That will only show how insincere you are.

Signing off... ...

Lost

It's been way long since I last updated >_< Sorry about that!! *brushes away some cobwebs*

School: School has started, and has been one hell of a ride. I've got a load of stuff, with hardly anyone to bitch about it to. I just wanna block everyone out of my life sometimes and reconnect myself with the world once this is all over.

I won't say I'm stressed... But I'm just at a point when it'd be great if I could run away. Not from work, but from everything else, so that I can do my work.

I'm behind schedule in my practicals, don't know what I'm supposed to study for my 2 midterm tests this week, have a load of tutorials that I'm struggling to understand... The list goes on.

Wish me luck. This week's gonna be hell.

Signing off... ...

Tired.....

Looks like this Saturday's gonna be an extremely tiring day for me again...

I got sick for the umpteenth time this year. Don't really feel like pushing myself this time.


Signing off... ...
Hope I get well soon...

Personality Quiz

Personality Quiz: I just took this personality test that was found on my brother's and Christine's blog... I thought the results kinda hit home... But >_< Not sure...

"Think of themselves as gentle, conscientious, and mature": I can assure you I didn't say that in the test @.@ Not like that anyway >_< Wahhhz...

If you want to try it out, click here.

In case you're interested, my results are below:

Results

Your answers suggest you are a Nurturer

The four aspects that make up this personality type are:

Summary of Nurturers

• Care for the important people in their lives
• Strive for harmony and avoid confrontation
• Think of themselves as gentle, conscientious, and mature
• May have trouble making decisions that could hurt others

More about Nurturers

Nurturers are quiet people who believe in order and diligently look after the people they care about. They focus on the needs of others and establish routines to help them meet their commitments.

Nurturers are the most likely group to say they prefer a job where the same thing happens every day, according to a UK survey.

Nurturers remember details that are important to them, such as their friends' birthdays and anniversaries. People with this personality type value others' feelings and may challenge behaviour they think is insensitive.

In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Nurturers may feel bitter and seek support by complaining to their colleagues. Under extreme stress, Nurturers may become preoccupied with the worst possible outcome and believe that they are heading for disaster.

Because they are so caring and loyal, Nurturers run the risk of being taken advantage of.

Nurturer Careers

Nurturers are often drawn to jobs that allow them to help others.

It's important to remember that no survey can predict personality type with 100 percent accuracy. Experts say that we should use personality type to better understand ourselves and others, but shouldn't feel restricted by our results.

When the going gets tough... ...

When the going gets tough: Do you get days when you have to stay back at work cause you have a lot of things to do, and have to be done soon? Impending datelines that you have to fulfill that come at you all of a sudden and force you to give your full attention to it?

People who work in the IT line (and probably other lines too) should have more than enough experience with that.

On days like that when you get emotionally tired and stressed, wouldn't you love to just listen to music and relax after that, or receive encouragement or some form of push from the people close to you? Or otherwise, just for them to leave you alone so that you can handle yourself and your responsibilities without any extra stress?

I do. Usually I hope for the last because it's too rare for me to get any of the other choices. Except from some people, whom I sincerely am grateful for (oh, how I enjoy talking to those who always emit that positive aura whenever I've got a lot on my hands)

Tough + Tough days: On terrible days like those, don't you just positively hate it when people start scolding you for staying late, telling you that you're supposed to do this and that, and that you don't manage your time well, basically that it's because of something you do that caused you to have to stay late (those that give you the impression that they're saying it's your fault that you're staying late, and that something you're doing is wrong instead of moving forward) Or when you bump into those people that start blaming everything and everyone one around you for your predicament. (oh, I know some people prefer this option. I'm just not one of them.)

If it's online I'll probably just ignore that person (know how they say you shouldn't focus on the negative stuff yo?), but when it's not as simple as closing a window, it really just tortures you to have to listen to that person (given a choice I wouldn't), and piles up on your emotional stress (sometimes more so than the work is giving you). Especially when you know what they're saying isn't true, and you're just way too tired to bother arguing with them.

When it gets too much for me and that person is really going too far, I will ignore them anyway, regardless. Or just put up a front for them, until it tides over (if I'm way over my tolerance level this never happens though).

My colleague and I were talking about how we seem to have people doing that to us during our worst times, and how it seriously gets on our nerves. I'm grateful for the consistent encouragement that comes in the form of your colleagues though. ^^

Moving on: As they say, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going".

It's misleading what the 'tough' part really encompasses sometimes, though.


Signing off... ...
Ah well.

Blogshop Open!

Whoa manz! My stock for my blogshop came yesterday~ =D

See that up there? That's my parcel that came when I was at work yesterday ^^

Oh! I don't think I mentioned before this right..? =S I opened a new blogshop! It's got an extremely unoriginal name: ~* Blogshopperz *~ But it's the best I can come up with at the moment =X

Girls who are viewing this... Do go to http://blogshopperz.blogspot.com [click here] to take a look ;) See if there is anything you want, ya? =D

I really hope this comes out a success... >_<


Signing off... ...
Hopeful

New Site

Yoz people!!

I expect I had a lot I wanted to blog about... But I can't really remember them right now... I decided to post today on this dusty blog, just so I could inform those who're still following me that I have created a new blog for fun/interesting stuff I come across: ~ Sit Back and Relax ~

That does not mean that I am abandoning this blog... Not at all. This blog will be more personal and local, while the other one will be happier and more generic. =x Guess you could just pick which one you want to follow if you're lazy to follow both ^^;;

I'm intending to create a third site soon =x *coughs* ^^;; You'll see. [I don't think most of you will be following that though]


Signing off... ...
Crazy me

Live Your Life

Not too long ago, someone asked me, "What do you wish to accomplish while you're alive?" My answer..?

"Live my life."

Live my life: I expect I didn't make much sense to the person who asked me the question. It made perfect sense to me, however. It may be easy to some, but for me..? I see it as lifelong challenge. Especially since I went though Polytechnic.

I used to stand in my own way, my introverted nature and timidness forming this endlessly high wall in front of me. I have tried to chip the wall away bit by bit since I discovered the existence of the wall, and do what I really want. People experiment in primary or secondary school with their CCAs, but I was late, and did my experimentation during my stay in the polytechnic.

That wall I had is now gone, and yet... a wall of another nature has been created. This wall is one I cannot chip away at. A wall that has to disintegrate on its own, yet also a wall that I can take an extremely long and tiring detour around, should I really wish to.

University is going to start... And I really want to give my all during my stay. I want to do things. I want to let myself go and enjoy myself, do myself and my family proud. I want to put everything I can into my schoolwork, into my curricular activities. Do what I want. Do what I'm passionate about. Make myself happy, make my stay in University a fulfilling one. Leave myself with good memories and to have no regrets upon graduation.

I realise that this would be my last chance to really involve myself in all these different activities.

My last chance.

And I really don't want to spoil it. The question is whether I have the ability to fulfill this wish of mine.

Foreshadowing: I figured that the outcome would ultimately show me how I would be living the rest my of life. Whether I was to let the paths I take be decided by others, or whether I would take a stand and keep it grounded.

Many would have no doubts on which they would choose, but me? My heart is currently torn in two. Desperately wishing to take one path, yet knowing that I would most likely go down the other.

It is not always just my wishes that decide the path I take. Sometimes, external factors (though some would see it as sheer cowardice) would affect my decisions and steer me away from the path I had my eyes on.


Signing off... ...
To live my life, or to live someone else's?

Forgiving

EMO POST!

Forgotten: I don't approve of some of the ways that my mind uses to get around things... When something happens that hurts me, and I have no time to talk with myself over it, or do something I really should about it, I let it slip from my mind.

A numbness takes over, and suddenly you don't feel anything anymore. The numbness is all that you feel. It's very relieving, and lets you get to sleep.

Then when you wake up, you don't remember any of it anymore. Not the hurt, not the details of the incident... Sometimes not even the incident itself.

The downside is, once another event triggers the remembrance of this one, the pain you feel doubles.

And then I try to forget again.

Forgiveness: Usually when someone does something bad, I don't blame it on that person. Not for more than a week or a few weeks, at the most.

When it gets longer than that, though, it says something. When it goes over months, I know it's not something I will be able to forgive just like that. Just because I want to.

If it's a breach of trust, the trust will have to be earned back. Not just trust on the whole, but in that particular aspect, fully. And trust, once broken, is extremely difficult(if not impossible) to earn back. I'm sure most of us, if not all, would have had such an experience before, and would understand what I'm talking about.

If possible at all, the process would take years. Surprisingly, each of my 2 closest friends had a particular incident that left an extremely bad impression in me, both of which will probably stay till the end of time. [Heh, manda will definitely know which one hers is... I couldn't forgive that one for years]

One particular person breached the trust I had between us at that time, and I haven't forgiven that person since. Not even when 10 + years have passed since then.

No one else has yet to reach the exact same level as that... Though there may have been close calls... One thing I hope for, is that nothing will never reach that phase again. That that number will not increase again.

1 is seriously more than enough.


Signing off... ...
I need to grow uphelp

over

I finally have the time to blog again... It's been a hectic time since the last time I typed into this little box in Blogger.

Over: It's over.. Finally. The end of the FYP presentation and deadline is more relieving than the exams proper - that much I can say for everyone in my semester. The moment the presentation was done, when we shook hands with the client, got a pat on the back... There was this enormous weight that was lifted off my chest.

That Monday, I left the school feeling like I was walking on air.

I felt like I should be off somewhere celebrating, but the exhaustion, coupled with my yet-to-be cured illness, had me going home and surrendering to rest... For a good many hours.

From that day till now, I've been chilling out. But soon I will have to slap myself back to reality - to the fact that I still have an exam next week. Study will have to resume soon.

To all those whose FYP is over: GREAT WORK!!! All the slogging has finally paid off and it's almost time for the handover to the company. No more chionging like mad late into the night (or into the next morning).

... Not till University at least.

Breakdown: I had a complete and total breakdown sometime during the hectic period. Complete with the screaming.

I had to juggle a test, 1 FYP project and 2 other project deadlines within a single week. For the week or two leading up to it, I tried my very best to prioritize, to put everything else aside. And yet, I couldn't. So I had to split my time up even more.

I almost couldn't make it. For FYP, for my projects, for the test.

Almost.

If it weren't for the extension of the 3 projects at the last minute.

University will be coming up soon... If such a situation arises again..... I shudder to think of the consequences. I doubt that University would be so lenient with us as the Poly as been.

If something like this comes up again... I don't think I'll be able to handle it.

But still... This hurdle's over. I should be grateful.

Laptop dead: Oh yea, this is extremely random... But my laptop's finally dead. Reformatting and everything will be oncoming soon.

Thank you: to my FYP group. For helping so so so much.. Especially during that last stretch, and even before that... Amanda: For listening, for just being there. For encouragement, for being my tranquilizer. Clar: For hearing my rants, for the laptop and for any help you gave- Especially during the last few days with the laptop when I was too sick to do anything.


Signing off... ...