Left behind

A year: It feels like it's been a million and one days since I left SC, when it's been only about a year. 366 days ago I stepped into NYJC feeling slightly apprehensive, but excited. Approximately 4 or 5 months later, I entered SP, feeling utterly freaked. Half a year I've been in SP, and all my friends (those in JC at least) have entered year 2.

Stuck: I feel stunted, still being in year 1. All of us left school at the same time, yet somehow I feel like everyone's moving ahead on a bullet train while I'm on a bus, stuck in a traffic jam. There's still the phone to communicate, but the routes and everything are different, and I can only feel like I'm moving further and further away from everyone every single day.

My brainpower's deteoriating, my determination, though stregthened during my first semester, is slowly withering now. The stress and feeling of being used by my own classmates are slowly gnawing at my patience and extinguishing my fire.

Ladder: A few weeks ago I wrote something in class about a ladder - how I felt that a lot of friends, who were once alongside me, were moving up and up the ladder, while I stop and turn back, noticing that my other friends are still below. I wondered then, whether I should continue on up or go back down to help my friends up. Since then, I still haven't made my decision, and am still stuck in the middle. The slower ones catching up with me, and the ones alongside me moving on and leaving me behind. That's _exactly_ how I feel now.

New Year: The new year is supposed to mark a new beginning, a time where you can make your decisions and resolutions and work on them- To me now, though, it's nothing more than a distraction to my studies and a reminder of how I chose the rocky road instead of the main one.

Good luck!: For those who are in JC, I wish you all good luck in the coming year in your As!! And yes, HAPPY belated NEW YEAR!


Signing off... ...

Bag and keychain, and MSTs begin.

I'm starting to feel extremely frustrated.

MSTs: My Mid-semester tests (MSTs) started on Tuesday, and the last two papers have been utter crap. I can't believe I lost like 10 marks at a time... I don't think I will be able to get good marks for those two papers anymore...... ='( Tomorrow's my best subject, but somehow, from the way things are going, I feel like it won't be good. Since today's paper, I've had a strong sense of foreboding come over me. If I can't score for the next 2 papers.... *shudders* I don't really want to think about it. The only good thing is that there's still the end-of-module examinations to pull me up. That is, if I do well in those. *sighs*

Unlucky stuff: Okay, first. Most know that my pencil box is gone... The pencil box that my brother gave me and I loved a lot. Along with my thumbdrive. My pencil box had my lucky neoprints and stuff in it, and was what sat with me through my Os, and my 1st sem tests. That was ookkayyy. After all I still had my bag and the keychain Skye gave me.

Right. After I came back from KL a few days ago, there was a slit in the back of the bag. Now, the slit stretches across the entire back. Which means that it's falling apart. Then the keychain... This morning before i sat for my test, I held my keychain like I always do. Then I realised that it felt... weird. I looked down, and waddya know? The wing that was attached to the bottom had... well. detached itself. No matter how I tried to look for it I couldn't find it. Sigh. It was like my lucky charm since I got it, and meant a lot to me.

I know it sounds funny to be mourning over all this, but to me they're all rather precious and I don't know if I'm just being silly, but it feels like some kind of premonition.

I guess I'll just have to cross my fingers and hope everything will turn out all right.


Signing off... ...