Darkness vs Light

I feel like I'm groping around in the dark right now... And it's scary...

But when the sun shines through, everything seems all right for those moments the sun touches the skin. The sweet, warm caress of the sun's rays bring about comfort and hope and joy.

But when the sun is no longer in sight, the darkness prevails.

Until the next time the sun rises.


Signing off... ...

Smoke

I'm confused as to why I'm experiencing something akin to emotional turmoil.

Signing off... ...

In a tight little knot right now.

2.5 more months...

I forsee myself tearing/crying uncontrollably when I have to fly back to Singapore in January.... =/

But I suppose I could always busy myself with thinking of what I should do when I get back and start 'preparing' for my next trip >_<


Signing off... ...

Relationships

I think that there are 3 things that are required for a mature relationship...

1) Trust

2) Maturity

3) Self-confidence

I know that I'm lacking in several areas, especially the last, and I hope that doesn't define what makes me ready for a relationship.

Signing off... ...

Am worried.

Freedom

The thread has been snipped, and I have never flown as freely as I do now in my entire life.

These approx 2 weeks have been the best time ever.

Signing off... ...

The biggest mistake of my life

1 month of friendship...

All a lie.

4 years and 2 months of... "Love".

All a lie.

I need to stop getting taken in by all these people.

At the end of it, I'm the only one who gets hurt.

I'm the only one who has to put up with all the nonsense.

The consequence of my mistake:

Having to sit through another 4 months of pure, f*cking torture

With nowhere to run.

I want to stop listening with my ears.

I want to stop wanting to hear what my heart wants to hear.

I should just listen to what my head and heart tell me.

If my friends are really friends,

They'll support me.

Signing off... ...

Numb.

いったい何が「忠実」なのよ？！

さようなら

久しぶりなんだけど、どこかで話したかったね。。。

４年間だった。。。ツライ思いもあったし、楽しいときもいっぱいあった。一週間前の私は一番辛かったと思ったけど、おとといは死ぬほど辛かったんだ。。。今の辛さとおとといのツラさはちょっとだけ違うけど、まだ耐えられるかどうか分からない。。。

愛してたよ。今でも愛してるけど。

嬉しく話したいけど、彼の中の一番愛しい人はもう私じゃないって考えたら、また泣きたくなる。何でたった一ヶ月でそんなに変わるの？知らぬ間に。。。でも、だからこそ私たちはもうムリなんだって事が分かる。

愛しちゃいけないけど、まだ愛してる。

あいつの前ではもう二度と泣かないように。。。ムリかもしれないけど。

でも、ちょっとうらやましいね。。。あいつは誰かがいるから、そんなに寂しいとは思わないけど。。。私は違う。シンガポールでもあまり親友がなくて。。。今でも変わらない。Aちゃんがいるけど。。。今は一人でこの辛さを超えなくちゃならない。

寂しいけど、ツライけど。仕方がない。

頑張らないと。この辛さがいつか終わるように。この泣きの毎日がいつか終わるように。


Signing off... ...

さようなら

Poem: The Sky

I haven't updated in SOOOOOOO long... And I haven't written any poems in probably just as long =X

Anyway, I suddenly got an inspiration the other day on the way to school... After so many months ^^;;

This is especially dedicated to Manda, Clar and Chris... And any of my other friends who feel that they can connect with this poem =) Heh...

The Sky

You are the one who will always be there;
The one who quietly listens, and
The one who does not judge.

You have your days;
Sometimes clear,
. Sometimes Covered with White Clouds, or
. . Covered with Gray Clouds, or
. . . . Bothered by thunderstorms.

But you will always be there,
Behind the rain,
Behind those clouds,
Behind the passing trees,
Behind the gloomy, four walls of the room I have to face
Everyday.

I may not be able to see you all the time,
But I take comfort
In knowing that you are always still there;
Always ready to greet me.

People may change,
People may grow distant, and
People may betray others.

But you
Will always be on my side,
Will always listen,
Will never judge.

And I take comfort in your presence.

Signing off... ...

Depressed... On just the 1st week of school?

最近暗いんです。

学校で全力で頑張らなくちゃって分かっていても、今の私ではできないと思う。今怖いって気持ちで学校に行って、チームの人と仲良くできないと信じて（仲良くしても、多分考え方も違うし、楽しく過ごせないと思い込んでる）、あまり友達もなくて、嫌な気持ちなんです。

考えすぎなのかな？

だって、友達はたくさんいるよ（ただ、クラスにはいない）。

まあ、とにかく頑張ろう！！


Signing off... ...