Competence: Some people judge me cause of my grades, my results... Think I'm good... Truthfully, I don't think I am. People look at my results, make assumptions, carve their own impression of me... Without knowing me. Without taking the effort to know me.
I hate that.
I hate it when people say stuff like: "Aiyah, what cannot... You JLPT 1 leh!"
To hell with JLPT 1.
I took it, what, 2 years ago? Passed it on the DOT too. I was facing the principal of the Hiroshima Institute of Technology Polytechnic the other day, and I couldn't say a word. All I could do was smile and nod. Even when I wanted to say something I found that I didn't know how to.
I have no confidence, I have no ability.
Now, please stop with all these assumptions made from looking at my grades. It isn't just for Japanese, it's for everything. IT, school, friendships, dancing... Whatever.
Don't judge me from paper, from what you don't know.
Save your judgements for after you know me.
Please.
Class Outing: We had this outing a few days back, to gather with our friends whom were all flying to China for their overseas internship. We had a load of fun at Clarke Quay, and it was really great spending time with all of them =D We even took some photos~
For quite a few of them, I know that it was a long-awaited break from all the hassle and stress that came about from our schoolwork and projects. For me, it was a break alright, and an eye-opener.
Got to walk around Clarke Quay at night (which I've not exactly done before) and I got to walk past the street where all the clubs and pubs were... Twas interesting ^^ Clarke Quay in the morning and at night are seriously 2 extremely extremely different places.. (I should know. I used to frequent Clarke Quay a LOT in the morning)
Thank you to Eunice and Michelle for accompanying me to Spotlight before meeting up with the guys(the queue in Spotlight and looking at the stalls at PS caused us to be late though... Sorry..!!). It was nice to hang out with you guys, even if it was just a while ^_^
Cosplay Performance: Ok, I just came back from a 4 hour session with the cosplayers... I'm a backup dancer for the Hare Hare Yukai dance, and I seriously just CAN'T get it right. Maybe I've taken a break from dance for too long. My memory span is like what, 10 seconds now? @_@ ARGH! I've been practicing for the past 20min or so in front of my computer and I STILL can't keep up. And the dance segment's like only 30 seconds or something..! Oh noooooo.... I'll make myself practice and listen on the way to school and back or something.
Load of things to do: I have a TRUCKLOAD of things to do at the moment... When I met up with the cosplayers, I really saw how stressed the lot of them were, rushing not only theirs, but everyone else's costume, armour, accessories and what-nots. Dusty almost broke down, Skye was majorly stressed, Cat brought the crosses she had to do and was constantly working on it everytime we took a break, Mark was skipping work, and everyone was doing something or another, or helping someone else with something. Everyone was having a lack of sleep, everyone was going to sacrifice their sleeping time to complete what they can for the team.
Me? I've got school. At that moment it seemed a very weak excuse as to why I could not settle, at the very least, my own costume. I'm going to have to do this, one way or another.
It's just a LOAD of things these few weeks... Next Saturday is the event (in which I need to collect the costume, attach my armour, get my wig done, sew my skirt and attach the lace and get the dance right), and then Clar's graduating from his BMT on Tuesday... And so I'll probably have to find some time to spend with him. Adding to that is this dance performance I REALLY want to see on Wednesday.
And that shitload of things up there probably means that I will be squeezing any possible tiny bit of time for my FYP, and seriously, even _that_ is really screwing up big time too.
I just need to survive till the middle of January. Get all this settled. Get all this done. Properly. Nicely. Well.
Wish me luck. I need to learn to cope with less sleep. I have to. I need to.
Cosplay: Seeing the team and how everyone worked together, I'm reminded of why I've been staying in Cosplay all these years... I see now, why Andrea loves the team so much. 1/2 of them probably don't even know who I am, but I really starting to feel this fondness for them...
Am I still going to retire..? I have no idea. But then again, I'd likely have no cash to support my costume for next year... Guess I'll have to take it as it comes. I'll decide again when the time comes.
Signing off... ...
Busy
Saturday 24 November 2007
Friday 23 November 2007
Sick
Tonsillitis: Ok, don't mind me, I'm gonna bitch abt my throat. Ok I think it's not just tonsillitis, but also lik swollen throat and all, but it worsened like hell last night, and from then I just couldn't take it anymore.
Finally went to see the doc this morning, and when she checked she was like =O "omg, why's it so bad?" Then gave me this look. ^^;; She gave me fever medicine, told me that a fever will probably be coming up, and when I told her it came 4 days ago, you could literally see her go -_-"
Heh. Alright, so I should have gone to see the doctor sooner... But hell, I didn't know it was gonna get _so_ much worse -_-"
I spent the entire day conversing with people using notepad ^^;; I teared once I think, in school, when the entire stretch across the throat got damn pain.. And then I promptly started searching for my Strepsils. Swallowing is hell now, I tell you. Terrible.
Can't drink too much water, cause it'll clear whatever layer there is over my tonsils and throat and then it'll start getting super pain again... Strepsils helped me loads today cause it coated this layer across my throat and stuff and it didn't hurt as bad >_<
I just hope all this goes away soon.
It feels hell terrible.
Signing off... ...
Oh gawd, my throat......
Finally went to see the doc this morning, and when she checked she was like =O "omg, why's it so bad?" Then gave me this look. ^^;; She gave me fever medicine, told me that a fever will probably be coming up, and when I told her it came 4 days ago, you could literally see her go -_-"
Heh. Alright, so I should have gone to see the doctor sooner... But hell, I didn't know it was gonna get _so_ much worse -_-"
I spent the entire day conversing with people using notepad ^^;; I teared once I think, in school, when the entire stretch across the throat got damn pain.. And then I promptly started searching for my Strepsils. Swallowing is hell now, I tell you. Terrible.
Can't drink too much water, cause it'll clear whatever layer there is over my tonsils and throat and then it'll start getting super pain again... Strepsils helped me loads today cause it coated this layer across my throat and stuff and it didn't hurt as bad >_<
I just hope all this goes away soon.
It feels hell terrible.
Signing off... ...
Oh gawd, my throat......
Saturday 17 November 2007
Emo Post
Tired: Now's just one of those times when I just wanna be alone, with me, myself, and a working, not-lagging computer.
One of those times when you just don't feel like dealing with anyone, not having to deal with anything... And well. Not talking.
Actually I have a lot of things I wanted to kind of blog about... But... nah.
School: Have so many things on my hands now... I have approximately a maximum of 5 and a half days a week that I can really do my projects. Approximately.
I feel like doing quite a lot of things. Play bridge, play Munchkins, play Citadels, hang out with friends, go for that Miyazaki gathering that was last week, go watch a movie with manda [sorry i couldn't go... =(], go for the activities in school, go for the dinner award presentation to see my friends get their award, chill without having all my work stuck to the back of my mind...
Wish I could juggle all my work, wish I could satisfy everyone's expectations of me.
Wish I could.
Really do.
Random Thought about Life: Everyone's life is different. What we're doing, what difficulties we're facing, what problems we have, how we are, are all different. Perhaps some are similar here and there, but some are just extremely different in nature...
You can't just apply what you feel, and how you look at things to others so easily and deem them just as important, or not as important, when the situations in which others are in are so different.
Don't you think so..?
Walk in the park: I love walking through the park, seriously. It's a nice place to think, and a nice place to observe people... Every morning I see a LOT of old folks, and not so old folks, exercising, bringing their grandchildren to walk around to observe nature, doing taichi (i think?) and of course, others just like me rushing off to school/work (though those people usually take another route and run across the road so that they get to the MRT 'faster')
In the evening, you see the younger ones in their teenage years or 20s doing their jogs, exercising, rollerblading, the younger kids walking with their friends talking about school, about games, or playing and throwing stones at each other (my leg got hit once while walking past -_-"). Sometimes you see groups playing the guitar, singing, discussing.
At night, there are still a few doing their jog, some sitting and staring at the fish, old couples sitting around and chatting, younger couples sitting around and, well, usually chatting, sometimes sitting on each other and chatting [which makes me slightly uncomfortable], and some sitting around and doing their work.
Such a lot of things moving and going on around us... The beauty of everyday life... And yet, we're usually too caught up in our own lives (or drowning in our own 'misery') that we never take the time off to observe the little things around us.
It really is a pity.
Signing off... ...
One of those times when you just don't feel like dealing with anyone, not having to deal with anything... And well. Not talking.
Actually I have a lot of things I wanted to kind of blog about... But... nah.
School: Have so many things on my hands now... I have approximately a maximum of 5 and a half days a week that I can really do my projects. Approximately.
I feel like doing quite a lot of things. Play bridge, play Munchkins, play Citadels, hang out with friends, go for that Miyazaki gathering that was last week, go watch a movie with manda [sorry i couldn't go... =(], go for the activities in school, go for the dinner award presentation to see my friends get their award, chill without having all my work stuck to the back of my mind...
Wish I could juggle all my work, wish I could satisfy everyone's expectations of me.
Wish I could.
Really do.
Random Thought about Life: Everyone's life is different. What we're doing, what difficulties we're facing, what problems we have, how we are, are all different. Perhaps some are similar here and there, but some are just extremely different in nature...
You can't just apply what you feel, and how you look at things to others so easily and deem them just as important, or not as important, when the situations in which others are in are so different.
Don't you think so..?
Walk in the park: I love walking through the park, seriously. It's a nice place to think, and a nice place to observe people... Every morning I see a LOT of old folks, and not so old folks, exercising, bringing their grandchildren to walk around to observe nature, doing taichi (i think?) and of course, others just like me rushing off to school/work (though those people usually take another route and run across the road so that they get to the MRT 'faster')
In the evening, you see the younger ones in their teenage years or 20s doing their jogs, exercising, rollerblading, the younger kids walking with their friends talking about school, about games, or playing and throwing stones at each other (my leg got hit once while walking past -_-"). Sometimes you see groups playing the guitar, singing, discussing.
At night, there are still a few doing their jog, some sitting and staring at the fish, old couples sitting around and chatting, younger couples sitting around and, well, usually chatting, sometimes sitting on each other and chatting [which makes me slightly uncomfortable], and some sitting around and doing their work.
Such a lot of things moving and going on around us... The beauty of everyday life... And yet, we're usually too caught up in our own lives (or drowning in our own 'misery') that we never take the time off to observe the little things around us.
It really is a pity.
Signing off... ...
Wednesday 14 November 2007
EOY Panic Attack
Cosplay panic: Omg. EOY is in like, a month's time... And I still have my costume to settle. Skye just posted on the livejournal community, stating that every weekend from now till EOY is 'Manual Labour Weekend'. Where all of us are supposed to go someone's place to chiong some costume.
Which, obviously, I will not be able to go for -_-"
Crap.
There's like a bag with my circle skirt's cloth inside, which I'm supposed to sew to cut down cost, Skye's poofy thingy (which ive forgotten the term for) which I'm supposed to make more poofy (and obviously don't have the time to) and that wonderful mostly done costume at the tailor's that I will need to touch up on, and that whole bunch of armour that we are supposed to attach to the costume, and the crosses and stuff that we're supposed to make and settle.
And that's just my costume.
Oh, crap.
I wish I could pull out now, but I can't.
I swear, I'm retiring after this event.
The costume will have to settle itself, somehow or another. I'll figure that out when I have the time.
Signing off... ...
Too busy to think about anything other than schoolwork
Which, obviously, I will not be able to go for -_-"
Crap.
There's like a bag with my circle skirt's cloth inside, which I'm supposed to sew to cut down cost, Skye's poofy thingy (which ive forgotten the term for) which I'm supposed to make more poofy (and obviously don't have the time to) and that wonderful mostly done costume at the tailor's that I will need to touch up on, and that whole bunch of armour that we are supposed to attach to the costume, and the crosses and stuff that we're supposed to make and settle.
And that's just my costume.
Oh, crap.
I wish I could pull out now, but I can't.
I swear, I'm retiring after this event.
The costume will have to settle itself, somehow or another. I'll figure that out when I have the time.
Signing off... ...
Too busy to think about anything other than schoolwork
FYP: On to Phase 2
FYP: FYP has taught me a lot of things... About myself, about others, and well. Yeah. My group stressed the poor leader out some time back... I don't know how much I managed to help when it was nearing the report submission, but I hope I managed to help, even if just a bit.
My leader's blog: A month or so back, some people told me to view my leader's blog post. They said that they thought what he said wasn't fair, wasn't warranted, wasn't right.
I went to go look, and surprisingly, I could see more of his view than those who informed me about the post.
The sad thing was, I couldn't do anything much about it. I couldn't really lighten his load cause I couldn't see where he was headed, what he wanted to accomplish. Couldn't really get through to him at times either when I wanted the best for the team and the project too.
While he was stressed, I was breaking down too. For different reasons, of course, but it wasn't any easier.
Through this phase: Learnt a lot about this group... About the people, and how they work. In the beginning I could hardly talk to anyone, but thankfully I can talk to practically all of them now. I work best with, well... The one I'm currently grouped with, so... =) That's a good thing.
Starting of FYP: I recall the start when I was quite shocked and not used to the way the group worked. The way one person dominated all, and some just wanting to do what they are told to. I tried to help the leader, but with no idea as to what he was coming up with for the group, I could do little but ask what I could do, what he could give me to share the workload.
That hardly acheived its objective. It was difficult for me to put my two cents in, extremely difficult, and with most of the group not knowing me, debates turned out looking like arguments to them.
The team wasn't much of a team at first - It hardly gelled together. It was a group I kept wanting to run away from.
But now, it's different.
The group, now: Knowledge and understanding goes a long way, that's the least I can say. And while I doubt I'm really helping that much right now, I hope that I'm seen, at least, as part of the team. Someone they can trust. Someone they can work with.
I have put in what I can for Phase 1 (though I have to say I hated and kept getting overloaded looking at the diagrams I had to do due to the sheer number of relationships between the tables... Therefore missing out some stuff), and hopefully it's enough.
Chionging through Phase 1 has really shown how everyone works, who I trust, and how I should work with certain people.
Phase 1 is now over, and hopefully this knowledge will bring me through Phase 2.
Wish me luck.
Signing off... ...
Trying to work
My leader's blog: A month or so back, some people told me to view my leader's blog post. They said that they thought what he said wasn't fair, wasn't warranted, wasn't right.
I went to go look, and surprisingly, I could see more of his view than those who informed me about the post.
The sad thing was, I couldn't do anything much about it. I couldn't really lighten his load cause I couldn't see where he was headed, what he wanted to accomplish. Couldn't really get through to him at times either when I wanted the best for the team and the project too.
While he was stressed, I was breaking down too. For different reasons, of course, but it wasn't any easier.
Through this phase: Learnt a lot about this group... About the people, and how they work. In the beginning I could hardly talk to anyone, but thankfully I can talk to practically all of them now. I work best with, well... The one I'm currently grouped with, so... =) That's a good thing.
Starting of FYP: I recall the start when I was quite shocked and not used to the way the group worked. The way one person dominated all, and some just wanting to do what they are told to. I tried to help the leader, but with no idea as to what he was coming up with for the group, I could do little but ask what I could do, what he could give me to share the workload.
That hardly acheived its objective. It was difficult for me to put my two cents in, extremely difficult, and with most of the group not knowing me, debates turned out looking like arguments to them.
The team wasn't much of a team at first - It hardly gelled together. It was a group I kept wanting to run away from.
But now, it's different.
The group, now: Knowledge and understanding goes a long way, that's the least I can say. And while I doubt I'm really helping that much right now, I hope that I'm seen, at least, as part of the team. Someone they can trust. Someone they can work with.
I have put in what I can for Phase 1 (though I have to say I hated and kept getting overloaded looking at the diagrams I had to do due to the sheer number of relationships between the tables... Therefore missing out some stuff), and hopefully it's enough.
Chionging through Phase 1 has really shown how everyone works, who I trust, and how I should work with certain people.
Phase 1 is now over, and hopefully this knowledge will bring me through Phase 2.
Wish me luck.
Signing off... ...
Trying to work
Monday 5 November 2007
Stupid Annonymous Society n NYDC
FUN POST!
Settlers: YES I went settlers again =D It was relatively short, late, and well, not that many people, but it was dead fun!! =D I learnt how to play munchkins and it was real cool!
Citadels - First game: It started off really hilarious with Huiyong declaring that we didn't need the guy to teach us the rules cause 2 of us played before. Seconds into the game, we realised that he wasn't as sure of the game as we first thought he did.
After we finally got started, this friendly staff approached our table and asked if he could help. William promptly answered with a "Yeah, can you refill my drink?". It was only after he came back that we found out he meant if we wanted him to teach us the game cause the rules for the 3-player version was different.
That got me laughing non-stop ^^;;
SAS: William, Huiyong and I founded the 'Stupid Annonymous Society' during the outing... Mainly cause the 3 of us did a lot of stupid things that day ^^;; The funniest 'stupid thing' was at Paradigm Infinitum (this board game shop) when HY dropped one of the games, and while catching it, hit the shelf and caused another to drop. Said pattern happened twice, until the last hit on the shelf caused like 5 games or more on the other side to drop with a loud crash ^^;;
Was a darn silly, fun and extremely funny day out, to sum it up =D
Very few people went, but it was still great ^_^
NYDC: Went to NYDC for the first time with Clar on Sat... =D Gosh, the food was drop-dead nice =D The crust of their pizza really is different from all the other places, and their baked rice..... *smacks lips* Nice man. =P
Feel like treating my mum to a meal there... Just... @_@ *checks cash* I hope I have enough for the both of us >_<
Signing off... ...
Basking in good memories
Settlers: YES I went settlers again =D It was relatively short, late, and well, not that many people, but it was dead fun!! =D I learnt how to play munchkins and it was real cool!
Citadels - First game: It started off really hilarious with Huiyong declaring that we didn't need the guy to teach us the rules cause 2 of us played before. Seconds into the game, we realised that he wasn't as sure of the game as we first thought he did.
After we finally got started, this friendly staff approached our table and asked if he could help. William promptly answered with a "Yeah, can you refill my drink?". It was only after he came back that we found out he meant if we wanted him to teach us the game cause the rules for the 3-player version was different.
That got me laughing non-stop ^^;;
SAS: William, Huiyong and I founded the 'Stupid Annonymous Society' during the outing... Mainly cause the 3 of us did a lot of stupid things that day ^^;; The funniest 'stupid thing' was at Paradigm Infinitum (this board game shop) when HY dropped one of the games, and while catching it, hit the shelf and caused another to drop. Said pattern happened twice, until the last hit on the shelf caused like 5 games or more on the other side to drop with a loud crash ^^;;
Was a darn silly, fun and extremely funny day out, to sum it up =D
Very few people went, but it was still great ^_^
NYDC: Went to NYDC for the first time with Clar on Sat... =D Gosh, the food was drop-dead nice =D The crust of their pizza really is different from all the other places, and their baked rice..... *smacks lips* Nice man. =P
Feel like treating my mum to a meal there... Just... @_@ *checks cash* I hope I have enough for the both of us >_<
Signing off... ...
Basking in good memories
Sunday 4 November 2007
Should Have
'Should Have's:
I really should be working now... Instead of blogging.
But there a lot of 'should have's.
Should have worked more instead of getting distracted millions of times just now.
Should have done my work instead of making food (that was supposed to be my dinner, but ended up only being 1/3 of it cause of a lack of ingredients).
Should have not gotten so emotionally distracted and everything and constantly looking at other pages instead of working.
Should not have slept last night.
Or the day before.
Should not be making everyone unhappy.
Should not be stressing myself out like nuts.
... Should not be here writing this.
Signing off... ...
Maybe I should listen, and get back to work.
I really should be working now... Instead of blogging.
But there a lot of 'should have's.
Should have worked more instead of getting distracted millions of times just now.
Should have done my work instead of making food (that was supposed to be my dinner, but ended up only being 1/3 of it cause of a lack of ingredients).
Should have not gotten so emotionally distracted and everything and constantly looking at other pages instead of working.
Should not have slept last night.
Or the day before.
Should not be making everyone unhappy.
Should not be stressing myself out like nuts.
... Should not be here writing this.
Signing off... ...
Maybe I should listen, and get back to work.
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