I never thought that it'd be this hard...
Having no one with me in school.
It wouldn't be so bad if i made some really close friends...
But...
I didn't think it'd be this hard without a constant...
Pining... Yearning...
I'm bad at handling emotions
and expressing them.
I can't tell anyone about certain things...
It wouldn't have been so bad
but when a close friend tells me that whatever I'm percieving is wrong straight in my face without understanding the hidden emotions underneath...
It starts to hurt.
But I'm grateful to certain people too:
My friends who listen to me ramble (you guys know who you are)
and a particular person from poly...
though the person probably doesn't know that he (used generally) has helped me so much.
But I'm grateful.
Signing off... ...
P.S. This ain't no poem. Just an extremely haphazard entry.
Friday 27 May 2005
Friday blues
Friday blues: Today we ended at a little past 12, and I SOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo wanted to go out with someone after that. Like with Hi-5 or my class or whatever. Everyone who knows me (especially my OG) would know that I tend to be extremely enthu over this kinda stuff. The group I was with for the games (something like treasure hunt) was SO un-enthu. Everyone just _refused_ to run, and took their time to stroll from one station to the next.
Coldness: "Oh darn, I forgot their names..." "Huh? I'm Winnie remember? And she's Ester" I laughed. "No no, I mean the rest of them." Both of them looked at me weirdly. "But you're not in the same course as them what." I could feel myself freeze. "Err... so?" I managed to say after some time, glad that my voice didn't sound rude.
Lunch? Or no: After the games I looked around for someone I knew. I heard that a few groups were going out for lunch, and I badly wanted to go with them. I mean, look, it's a bloody friday. and not even 1pm yet! I headed back to the room where our bags were and poked someone from Hi-5 on the arm. "Hey, have you gotten your EZ-link card yet?" I tried, hoping that I could get someone to at least accompany me to get my stupid EZlink. Unfortunately... "Yeah, but it's only valid starting on the 30th." "Oh, okay... Never mind then." Suddenly he shouted across me, "HEY,! Want to join us for lunch?" Just before that, I overheard that they were going with one of our seniors too. And he just screamed across me. Okay, like thank you very much. I know when I'm not wanted. So I took a step back, glanced around the room one more time, and walked out towards the lobby.
Sulk: I passed by quite a few people and heard quite a lot of people being invited to go out for lunch. I was like the only idiot walking, not towards somewhere for lunch, but home. I had to admit, I started to sulk. My OG would know... I mean, I used to ask everyone practically EVERYDAY whether they'd like to go out after school. Resulting in 10 outings in a single month. Now? Damnit. I even asked my GL when our Hi-5 outing would be, but she said "sometime next week, don't worry, I'll inform you." and she placed an arm on my shoulder." For the moment I felt somewhat comforted. But 'one week' sounded a long way away...
Idiocy: Okay, so I was feeling lonely and brooding over it as I walked out of the school. I was supposed to walk past the MRT station and to my bus stop to take a bus home, but I ended up walking INTO The MRT station. And I only realised after I scanned my card and went onto the platform. Like WHAT AN IDIOTIC THING TO DO!!! Right. So I got pissed. And I continued to feel down on the train, throughout the whole ride. The fact that there was an ACJC couple standing so close to each other right across me didn't really help things much. Then there were a few idiotic people who, the moment entered the train, stood right at the entrance, blocking anyone from coming in or going out. Why did I say they were idiots? Simple. Because there was a whole lot of space behind them and they refused to move it. dammit. Dont' people understand the words "Please allow passengers to alight first" or "plese move to the centre of the cabin"?? I mean, even if you didn't want to move to the centre, you could at least move to the back right? No one who has brains stands in the MIDDLE of the bloody doorway. Oh wait. I forgot. They don't _have_ brains.
What did I accomplish today?: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No EZlink, no lunch. Ah well. ... I miss my OG and class...
Okay. I'm getting super harsh now. I'm sorry... I'm just very tired and pissed with myself and godknowswhatelse. I shall go off now.
Signing off... ...
Coldness: "Oh darn, I forgot their names..." "Huh? I'm Winnie remember? And she's Ester" I laughed. "No no, I mean the rest of them." Both of them looked at me weirdly. "But you're not in the same course as them what." I could feel myself freeze. "Err... so?" I managed to say after some time, glad that my voice didn't sound rude.
Lunch? Or no: After the games I looked around for someone I knew. I heard that a few groups were going out for lunch, and I badly wanted to go with them. I mean, look, it's a bloody friday. and not even 1pm yet! I headed back to the room where our bags were and poked someone from Hi-5 on the arm. "Hey, have you gotten your EZ-link card yet?" I tried, hoping that I could get someone to at least accompany me to get my stupid EZlink. Unfortunately... "Yeah, but it's only valid starting on the 30th." "Oh, okay... Never mind then." Suddenly he shouted across me, "HEY,
Sulk: I passed by quite a few people and heard quite a lot of people being invited to go out for lunch. I was like the only idiot walking, not towards somewhere for lunch, but home. I had to admit, I started to sulk. My OG would know... I mean, I used to ask everyone practically EVERYDAY whether they'd like to go out after school. Resulting in 10 outings in a single month. Now? Damnit. I even asked my GL when our Hi-5 outing would be, but she said "sometime next week, don't worry, I'll inform you." and she placed an arm on my shoulder." For the moment I felt somewhat comforted. But 'one week' sounded a long way away...
Idiocy: Okay, so I was feeling lonely and brooding over it as I walked out of the school. I was supposed to walk past the MRT station and to my bus stop to take a bus home, but I ended up walking INTO The MRT station. And I only realised after I scanned my card and went onto the platform. Like WHAT AN IDIOTIC THING TO DO!!! Right. So I got pissed. And I continued to feel down on the train, throughout the whole ride. The fact that there was an ACJC couple standing so close to each other right across me didn't really help things much. Then there were a few idiotic people who, the moment entered the train, stood right at the entrance, blocking anyone from coming in or going out. Why did I say they were idiots? Simple. Because there was a whole lot of space behind them and they refused to move it. dammit. Dont' people understand the words "Please allow passengers to alight first" or "plese move to the centre of the cabin"?? I mean, even if you didn't want to move to the centre, you could at least move to the back right? No one who has brains stands in the MIDDLE of the bloody doorway. Oh wait. I forgot. They don't _have_ brains.
What did I accomplish today?: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No EZlink, no lunch. Ah well. ... I miss my OG and class...
Okay. I'm getting super harsh now. I'm sorry... I'm just very tired and pissed with myself and godknowswhatelse. I shall go off now.
Signing off... ...
Thursday 26 May 2005
Poly stuff
Poly stuff: Oh god. If you thought that there was a sex divide in JC, poly's worse. My class only has 2 girls, but the girl likes to mix with the girls from our buddy class. Which means that there's this lot of girls walking around and refusing to part. If I don't join them, i'll be alone, so I have no choice but to follow. It's damn pissing, because they hardly mix around with the other guys, and when I talk to a guy or something, they (especially one of them) woul give me a look.
And sometimes when I lag a bit (like when people cut in front of me and I end up lagging behind), when I catch up with them one of the girls like to go 'looking at shuai ge right?' That's not bad enough. "You went for camp?? Oh, I know why! To look for shuai ge right?" ... "Why'd you come to poly then? Oh, wait, I know! To find shuai ge right?" Oh geez. She sounds like she _has_ to have the words 'shuai ge' in every sentence. And she says it _all_ the time. Argh. I had a bloody urge to like smack her or something. And she calls the fatter guys 'monsters'. Like how bloody shallow can one get? The worse part of it -- she's 20. Now _that's_ called immature.
As a result I hardly mixed around with my class. And it's bloody pissing.
Flag day: So... Today was flag day, and for reasons mentioned above, my class suggested I go with some girls cause I'd be the only one in the group who was a girl. In the end, I joined some of the Hi-5 members(my camp group) and 1A/04 freshies. It was fun. ^^ Especially with Felix, Bryan and Xiu Hui. Yong Xian was amusing too, sitting on the bench hald the time and still getting about the same amount in his tin as me. Felix liked to flirt with guys and girls alike and Bryan was so attractive that he didn't have to go to people -- people came to him. Thank goodness I still have Hi-5 during this time. ^^
Results for the day? I collected $11.05. How bloody pathetic is that man? I stick to what I thought for the past few years. Those who willingly go to orchard area to sell flags are idiots. And for a day, I was one. But at least I had fun while I was at it. ^-^
Signing off... ...
And sometimes when I lag a bit (like when people cut in front of me and I end up lagging behind), when I catch up with them one of the girls like to go 'looking at shuai ge right?' That's not bad enough. "You went for camp?? Oh, I know why! To look for shuai ge right?" ... "Why'd you come to poly then? Oh, wait, I know! To find shuai ge right?" Oh geez. She sounds like she _has_ to have the words 'shuai ge' in every sentence. And she says it _all_ the time. Argh. I had a bloody urge to like smack her or something. And she calls the fatter guys 'monsters'. Like how bloody shallow can one get? The worse part of it -- she's 20. Now _that's_ called immature.
As a result I hardly mixed around with my class. And it's bloody pissing.
Flag day: So... Today was flag day, and for reasons mentioned above, my class suggested I go with some girls cause I'd be the only one in the group who was a girl. In the end, I joined some of the Hi-5 members(my camp group) and 1A/04 freshies. It was fun. ^^ Especially with Felix, Bryan and Xiu Hui. Yong Xian was amusing too, sitting on the bench hald the time and still getting about the same amount in his tin as me. Felix liked to flirt with guys and girls alike and Bryan was so attractive that he didn't have to go to people -- people came to him. Thank goodness I still have Hi-5 during this time. ^^
Results for the day? I collected $11.05. How bloody pathetic is that man? I stick to what I thought for the past few years. Those who willingly go to orchard area to sell flags are idiots. And for a day, I was one. But at least I had fun while I was at it. ^-^
Signing off... ...
Monday 23 May 2005
Lazy piggy
Yes, yes, I know... I've been a little lazy fat pig rolling around in the mud... Not updating and all.. Heh. ^^
Camp: My ICT (name of faculty) camp just ended a few days ago... During the course of it I managed to break my slippers, spoil my handphone and chip my glasses. Not to mention get 3 blisters (which burst) on 3 different day. Add a bad sunburn to the mix. Whoala! That was my 4-day 3-night camp at SP. But I'm lucky, in a way, cause those people in my group were all very nice. ^^ One of them pissed me off as a few of my friends should know... but other than that everything was fine.
Then I managed to get myself a new phone. ^^ My dad went with me to the Singtel place and got me a new handphone, the cheapest tied with the contract. But I love it~ ^^ Very nice phone. Heh. =P
Poly: Orientation's starting from tomorrow, and well, you could say I'm starting to get slightly nervous. I've already been there and all... and I know the place where we're gonna meet... but I dunno... can't help freaking out a little...
More outings!!: I think we're gonna have an OG26 outing and a 05S9D outing in June and I'm sooo looking forward to it! Can't wait! I'll be having school so I may not be able to organise it all and stuff... but I'll be willing to help all I can!! ^-^ Miss all of you guys! And SC people too~~
Signing off... ...
Camp: My ICT (name of faculty) camp just ended a few days ago... During the course of it I managed to break my slippers, spoil my handphone and chip my glasses. Not to mention get 3 blisters (which burst) on 3 different day. Add a bad sunburn to the mix. Whoala! That was my 4-day 3-night camp at SP. But I'm lucky, in a way, cause those people in my group were all very nice. ^^ One of them pissed me off as a few of my friends should know... but other than that everything was fine.
Then I managed to get myself a new phone. ^^ My dad went with me to the Singtel place and got me a new handphone, the cheapest tied with the contract. But I love it~ ^^ Very nice phone. Heh. =P
Poly: Orientation's starting from tomorrow, and well, you could say I'm starting to get slightly nervous. I've already been there and all... and I know the place where we're gonna meet... but I dunno... can't help freaking out a little...
More outings!!: I think we're gonna have an OG26 outing and a 05S9D outing in June and I'm sooo looking forward to it! Can't wait! I'll be having school so I may not be able to organise it all and stuff... but I'll be willing to help all I can!! ^-^ Miss all of you guys! And SC people too~~
Signing off... ...
Monday 2 May 2005
The attack of the insects!!
Insect-tuned: Wah!! Today, after I came back home, I went to my toilet. As I walked to my sink to wash my hands, I suddenly felt something under my foot and quickly retracted it in case I squashed something. When I looked down, I saw that it was a dead lizard. I screamed and ran to my mum.
Then I went out with my parents to bring this guy to dinner. We went to Holland Drive to eat, at one of the hawker-centres. Suddenly, I felt this movement on my leg. I quickly started stamping my foot on the ground and a long insect dropped out from under my pants, before it crawled away. Yuck!! ARGH.
Then, some flying insects were at the lights at another area, and the boss turned off the lights so that they would go away. Okay, so one problem solved. And another follows. The whole swarm of them came over to our area. And kept dropping onto the table in front of me. Needless to say, I freaked as they just kept dropping, mostly near me. In the end, I moved so that I was sitting extremely close to my mum.
Finally, the attack of the insects ended, and we went home after dinner. I entered the bathroom to shower, and I proceeded to take off my socks. Then guess what? There was a large flying ant on the bottom! I hopped out of the toilet immediately and asked my mum to help me get it off. Oh gosh. Horrible.
Signing off... ...
Then I went out with my parents to bring this guy to dinner. We went to Holland Drive to eat, at one of the hawker-centres. Suddenly, I felt this movement on my leg. I quickly started stamping my foot on the ground and a long insect dropped out from under my pants, before it crawled away. Yuck!! ARGH.
Then, some flying insects were at the lights at another area, and the boss turned off the lights so that they would go away. Okay, so one problem solved. And another follows. The whole swarm of them came over to our area. And kept dropping onto the table in front of me. Needless to say, I freaked as they just kept dropping, mostly near me. In the end, I moved so that I was sitting extremely close to my mum.
Finally, the attack of the insects ended, and we went home after dinner. I entered the bathroom to shower, and I proceeded to take off my socks. Then guess what? There was a large flying ant on the bottom! I hopped out of the toilet immediately and asked my mum to help me get it off. Oh gosh. Horrible.
Signing off... ...
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