December Updates

Okay... lots of things to update on... so this is gonna be an extremely boring, long, long-winded post. BEWARE.

EOY: Well, EOY. Let's see... It was pretty good on the whole =) Mood was slightly off, but otherwise alright~ Made up for the fangirling after I came back and saw the photos ^^;; Heheh... Fangirled once for a little less than a minute while our group was taking group shots though... For a short while- Twas a nice feeling- =D

On to my (ultra) belated fangirling... THERE WAS A KADAJ THIS YEAR TOO!! Pretty Kadaj, though not as bishie *sighs dreamily* as the one last year, but still a pretty Kadaj. I _think_ 'he' won something in the individual competition if I'm not wrong... like 1st or 2nd... but I didn't exactly keep track, so... >_<

And well... I realised something after I came back... I DIDN'T LOOK FOR MARIA-SAMA!!! =S Wahh... So I didn't see her this year... =( =( Suddenly miss her as Maria, and her _singing_ as Maria... But ah well. >_<

AND SKYE SANG REALLY WELL!!! If she was nervous, she didn't show it this time!! SHO PROUD OF HER!!! =D Yeah.

Sentosa: Went to Sentosa with Clar... but twas raining so... ah well. Played this thing called the Luge ride... and twas darn fun~ =D Ohoh and we sat the glass cable car thingy there and back... twas really nice =) We had a hard time finding the entrance to the cable car place though ^^;;

P5/6 Gathering: WHEE met up with Grace, Jel, Pearl, Momo and Andrea (basically the old anime gang) for a gathering~ =D=D We were at Vivocity and camped at Food Republic and Carl's Jr for most of the day just chatting, eating, writing/drawing and well, chatting, then Andrea insisted on having her IKEA meatballs so we decided to head over to Momo's place-

Momo's mum was really really nice to agree to cook for us and stuff. Then we ate... and ate... and ate. So did everyone else ^^;; So much for watching our diet. All of us ended up super stuffed by the end of the day.

Twas really really fun and everything~ And seeing everybody... twas a good feeling =)

OG26 Gathering: Another group I hadn't seen in ages... Well, granted, not everyone went, but it was alright I guess... The person who asked for the outing couldn't make it though... >_< Cause he suddenly had duty or something like that... ^^;; Ah well.

Forgot how it was to laugh extremely hard... but was reminded that day- ^_^ When Sam was telling us about stuff and the guys were being their usual lame selves. Rachel and I did a bit of catching up too~

Ate at Jack's Place... and well. I had no cash... =S And Rachel ended up paying for me... Gosh I felt so bad!! I _have_ to pay her back >_< When we meet up again next time I suppose- ^^ I hope we manage to find a time to meet up- =)

Escape: WHEE Went to Escape with Clar- Went through this haunted house thing... (I suspect it's new cause I never knew of its existence before) where the scariest part was before we went in, when half of this group of people were trying to scare the other half about the ride being really scary, and when we entered this pitch black area cause I couldn't see anything and was not sure where to turn and could not put my hands out in front of me cause a hand was kind of occupied behind me- If you didn't catch that, nope it wasn't scary ^^;; And I guess that kind of says a bit coming from me ^^;;

OH Then we played the Go-Karts~~ NICE!!! [warning lots of gibberish up ahead] I was like *step* *vroom* *whoa* *whee* *vroom* *yay* ^^; twas LOADS of fun~~~ =D=D

Then of course there was the log ride... where we got all WET =D Niccceee~ Of course it wasn't exactly the fact that we got wet... it was more of the fact that we slid down a really high thingy and _then_ got all wet as we hit the bottom. =D Talk about fun.

We tried the games out too- just as the clouds started to come in and shower on us- (so we were safe) We won a Nemo- or rather, a clownfish, but well. *shrugs* It's currently holding residence in my room. =)

Stuff happened before and after that, I guess, but I don't remember them anymore... so =)=) It was a pretty fun day as far as I'm concerned.

Christmas Countdown: Went for my first Christmas countdown at Orchard... and well. Twas alright I guess ^^;; up till the actual countdown... when things got a little... well. Messed up.

Things got really squeezy and rather bad when some extremely rowdy and inconsiderate people made themselves known at the scene. We were squashed in the middle of the crowd, and could do nothing as waves of extreme pushing came... Halfway through it I focused on maintaining my balance and blocked most of everything else out.

All I could remember was the actual countdown, when we were still getting pushed around, Clar screaming for them to stop seconds after the stroke of midnight, and well. Water getting poured on us... And the extremely ironic situation when the emcee for the event in front of us said "admist all the hustling and bustling, we should slow down and close our eyes to..." erm, well, I think I forgot what she said after that... but it was something about thinking about others and Christmas and what's given to us or something like that...

But the ironic thing was that she was telling us this when there was a whole crowd of people in front of her getting squashed and pushed around.

But I was glad that Clar was there. When he pulled me to the side to wait for the crowd to dissipate before letting us leave... For like getting worried after the entire pushing episode, and when he found out that my feet had been somewhat trampled upon, and well. Stuff. And for buying us the spray thing to play with (although I only used my can on his arm once after his spray caught me twice) All in all, thanks- =)

Christmas: Twas one of the better Christmas days I had... Had already fallen sick, but well, despite that I had a great time. Learnt part of a song on the piano (although it's only the intro) and watched Dead Poet's Society, and made konyaku jelly and stuff- =) Twas nice.

And the prezzies I got~ Twas nice- =) I've got 2 additions to the family - A small round blue penguin, and a Schnauzer. ^^; And TAROT CARDS! PROPER TAROT CARDS! Like yay~ =D Heehee...

And of course, thank you to MANDA, GRACE and MOMO for the Christmas cards that you guys sent me... And for the letters and notes that came with it- It's late, but rest assured that a reply will come your way >_<

Sick: Yes, well, I fell sick. And as usual, at the most inappropriate of times >_< Had this terrible smell coming from me that I couldn't get rid of... And I felt like something (my throat) was rotting inside of me... Affected my nose, ears and head. The smell apparently came from my semi-rotting tonsils. Gross.

I guess I'm lucky that this period is when I have nothing on >_< Though it was supposed to be meant for working.

Schoolwork: Yes, gah. I'm gonna die any moment... All, and might I stress, ALL of my assignments are still untouched. UNTOUCHED!! *dies* Individual and groupwork alike.

Wish me luck. I'll need it.


Signing off... ...
Sleep

Torrental Rains

the Rains pour,
Day after
Day after
Day.

seemingly harmless Rains,
drizzle, and
Pour, with
occasional winds,
aggravating conditions.

seemingly harmless Rains
cause damage
Day after
Day after
Day,
catching people unawares.

It pours while at home,
drizzles while at the arcade,
pours while at Sentosa,
pours at the beach.

Floods start coming in,
the seemingly harmless Rains,
causing more damage
than expected.

Rescue missions ensue
precautions taken
good wishes exchanged

All to no avail.

Finally,
the Rains lighten.
Some things lost,
some things gained.

-------------------------------------
Argh, semi messed up post, but ah well. Lots to talk about actually... Google Blogger deleted another post of mine and now I'm just super scared of typing long entries... -_____-" Anywayz, till I find the time to rant again...


Signing off... ...
Rush

Tact and thought. And utter stupidity.

Warning: This is going to a complaining, bashing entry. KEEP OUT if you're allergic to that- Thank you.

Terrible person: That's what I've been for a very long time... going in and out of 'scum' status for my entire life. There are days I wish that I would just stop being such a blasted idiot... To _THINK_ before I do anything. To stop taking things the easy way out and letting the rest of my body do things before going through my brain.

There are times when the heart should be at work, there are other times when the head should take over. Currently, that balance of mine has been lost.

I'm been a bloody stupid blasted hypocrite many times... And a bloody arse to boot.

Birthday: Today was my brother's birthday. But guess what I did..? I stayed out till 11.30... Didn't give him his present, and missed his celebration altogether. All because I was thinking about myself and whatever not... Cause I kept trying to get myself to lighten up... Because... of well. A lot of things. None of which is reason enough to have done what I did. Or rather, did not do.

He's always made it a point to come back on time for _my_ birthday celebration every year... He never forgets to give me my present, and most of the time it even comes early. And what did I do this year? For the first time, I missed his birthday. What sort of a sister am I?

How screwed up can I get, really? How stupid can I get? ... But you know what, don't answer that.

I'm just wondering how I became what I am now... This screwed up me. The me that's almost unrecognisable now. This ugly, mutated, piece of... thing.

Randomness: I suppose randomness is not that much of a good thing... It just used to be some random thing my mind thought up with and I just let it flow out- (Heh, manda should know about this best. In fact, most should know about that little fact about me) Until recently... When randomness just became another weapon.

Not everything used to have a reason- But I realise that not many think that way. Everything I do is interpreted in some way... Watched by everyone. I suppose I will have to keep that in hand... To control that.

"Everything has a reason". Perhaps that's true. Perhaps somewhere in my subconscious, these all came from something. Something related to something that happened, to something I felt. It's just something I don't notice. Perhaps.

On the bright side: As someone said, "at least you're aware of it now. Thus you'll be able to change for the better as you see fit right?" Yeah. No one should have to stand my nonsense. I'll change. Just wait.


Signing off... ...
Tact and thought: An art I need to master

Back from Japan: Cosplay coming up

Okay... This is going to be a long rambling update- ^^;; Pardon me.

Can you feel the love tonight: Whee I saw this multi-language video for Lion King's "Can you feel the love tonight" on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpmug6ODaWc ^_^ Love it~~ The changes in language are rather smooth, save for two or three transitions... Be-au-tiful. =) Darn, I've fallen in love with Lion King (1 and 2) again.. >_<

Japan trip: IM BACK!! (Okay, I've been 'back' for some time... but... *shrugs*) TWAS REALLY FUN!! >__< Miss them- =(

Waterfall/River: We went to this waterfall thing... Then we had to walk this long way up to get there... Twas really cool~ =D=D But err... I kinda fell into the stream/river along the way, along with my camera. So my photo-taking had to stop for a couple of days... ^^;; Nice water, though.

Host family: Gosh, I miss my host family... Loads. Yuki-chan, Mayu-chan and Yuri-chan (the 3 daughters) and my 'okaasan' and 'otousan' >_< I like fell sick there with a fever and stuff (and didn’t tell them) but I recovered in like 1 or 2 days cause their kotatsu, room (my ‘otousan’ actually brought a heated mat in for me to place under my futon to keep me warm) and well, everything was nice and warm. Them, too. =)

They like brought me to really nice places, made really nice food... got me really nice stuff too... And they actually got a me a _yukata_!! Wah. It's really gorgeous. Love it. I am so going to the next summer festival and do it proud! =D Feeling a little Kitago-sick now, though >_<

Rebonding: Oh ya, and I rebonded my hair so it’s err… straight now. ^^; Somewhat.

Tarzan: Borrowed Tarzan from my GEMs teach yesterday and watched it ^_^ Love the songs- =)

Flash: Yes, finished my Flash assignment (a whole lot more others to go)- It's not the best that I could have done, but it'll do =) Thanks a MILLION to Clar and Christine-- =D Couldn't have done it without them- Had to have them teaching me stuff and all- ^^;;

EOY: YES EOY is this Saturday!! Got my Hakama!! AND IT LOOKS LOVELY!! =D=D YESH! But err… bad thing is that we can’t find our grass slippers so well. We may have to walk around in just socks ^^;; If you’re going, see ya there! ;) To know more about EOY this year… Click here!

Beta Blogger: Okay, warning. Please do NOT change to the google beta version... dumb stupid thing keeps deleting my words halfway through (you have no idea how many times I had to re-type certain parts of my post. *growls* It like deleted everything once too!! *kills* I never thought I’d ever say this… but I hate the Google Blogger. @$@#@#$%)


Signing off... ...

Helen, Bridge, and Manda.

A normal rambling post ahead. ^_^

Helen the baby fox: YES I WATCHED HELEN!! Okay, yes I'm a bit slow... But hey, that ain't a crime. =P I'm currently hopelessly in love with the movie. Just as I was crazy over Final Fantasy Advent Children. ...Okay, perhaps not. But either way, it's a really touching movie... Some parts really made me think... And the way Helen was hopping around and stuff... It was really cute ^_^ Poor Clar had to deal with my (occasional?) gushing. The little fella just makes your heart melt.

Going out: Went out with manda yesterday after her last paper... And I've seriously not enjoyed myself like that for some time =D I saw Charmaine, Elvin (from 1st 3 months) and got to hang out a little with manda~ =D=D It was really really wonderful. Felt like _my_ exams were over too. Which of course, isn't true. What with the deadlines so near... But ah well ^^;

Looking forward to tomorrow's yukata-making... Although err... I'm just afraid I won't be able to complete it...... >_<

Talking: Okay, err, I was made to talk a little in front of a crowd a couple of days back. Don't know if I can ever get used to it. I blanked out again, went on auto-pilot, couldn't see anything, and I was probably grinning like an idiot to boot. ^^;;

BRIDGE: OMG OMG OMG OMG I LOVE BRIDGE!! Okay, err... *coughs* Alright, some probably knew how to play it since last year (those JC peeps)- (I wanted to learn it during my 1st 3 months but didn't manage to >_<) But yeah, I only just learnt it a couple weeks back from some friends from the Miyazaki Trip. Heheh... One went through JC before (and surprisingly, the same as my 1st 3 mths JC) and another I think, learnt through _his_ 1st 3 months.

But I digress. Anywayz, Bridge is really such a fun card game ;) Heheh... Sad thing is that you usually need 4 people to play... I'm hoping we get to play lots during our trip ;) And also perhaps later at practice..?

It's been a long time: Gosh, this feels comfortingly familiar... I haven't rambled like this in ages... Heheh.. And yes, talking about practice... I really should make a move... Am late >_< Signing out!


Signing off... ...
let's go!

Working hard, and enjoying it. Partly ^^

Impossible people: Heh, came across this article in WikiHow on how to deal with impossible people... Thought it might help some, and myself, sometime along the way... I like the last part. ^^ Do unto others what you would others do unto you. I've been letting other emotions get in the way of that recently. Terrible.

"Be a "possible" person. Human behavior is changed through positive modeling. An ancient saying goes, "As ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them." Live as an example of tolerance, patience, kindness and love. We are all influenced by the people in our environment. You must give in kind in order to receive in kind. Give respect, receive respect. Give understanding, get understanding. Even if the other person fails to properly reciprocate, this will eventually apply to most of the people you meet in life. "

If you're interested in seeing the article, its here: http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Impossible-People


Untactful: Okay... Err, I've been rather untactful recently for some reason... so erm... if you've been at the recieving end of that and I've pissed/irritated you... I'm really really sorry... I've been doing that, and apologising for it, quite a bit recently. That's not a good sign.

Assignments: Hm. I've gotta complete a couple of assignments/start on some by next Mon/Tues... I've gotten into the mood for doing my Flash assignment, but my design is still really horrible... >_< I'm hoping it turns out looking ok ^^;; The good thing is that it's fun. =D Almost all my modules are this semester =^^= Thank goodness.

MSTs: That stands for 'Mid-Semester Tests' in case you didn't know ^^ Hmm... Okay... Gotten 2 back, out of 4... and those 2 were alright... Not that bad >_< GOTTA WORK HARD!! And that goes for you guys too ya! ^^ Heh. Except for those whose As are over... then... Hm. ^^;; To those who've finished their As, congrats and play hard till the university school term starts or you start your part-time work- ^_^


Signing off... ...
Picking up

Terrible, terrible road... with a Miya break.

Sharp edges: I used to be able to talk to people without hurting them... The edges were always round and I knew how to bounce. Up, down... Up. But things change. My edges have gotten a bit worn out and the the sides are getting a bit rocky, all round. Bouncing is a little tougher than before, and the height is no longer as high as it once was.

But I guess that's what they mean when we lose our spirit..? I suppose we've all had times like this before... where a bit of sandpaper-ing should get it back in shape- I just hope that this is not permanent... Or that there won't be enough material for me to sandpaper anymore.

But as long as I've got my pillars it shouldn't be a problem. ^_^ I just wonder if I have the time to sandpaper it before it breaks next time it hits.

Temper, temper: Terrible, too, man. Perhaps I _do_ need to go for an anger management course... I have my way of dealing with my own temper and stress and hurt... But when it's not enough... When it's not accepted... Perhaps I'll need to find another way..? (Yes, 'manda, I can practically hear your response at the back of my head now >_<)

MSTs: OMG MSTS ARE IN... ONE+ DAY!!! CRAP!! Oh gawd, I don't think I can do this... When other stress just pile up on me I CANNOT STUDY. Crap. Like why on earth am I even here blogging man!!! Please, do me a favour, SLAP me if you see me online... I just need to get the momentum... ='( I'm gonna break... Any second. Any further I'm gonna throw my laptop and my handphone and myself out the window. Okay, maybe not myself... But I'll find some other way...

Clar: Let my mind argue it out, k..? I'll be fine... Thanks for worrying, though... :-)

Miya trip: Gosh, I am _so_ looking forward to it... It'll be a break from everything..... Every single little thing... Leaving, temporarily, my troubles behind, while I immerse myself in a momentary fantasy... Away from all sorts of pressure against my person, and a rare, once in a dunno how long chance to find myself... I'm just gonna go out there and be myself and enjoy! IM GOING ALL OUT MAN!! =D

Background music: It's still there!! I stopped the autostart thing cause I thought it would get rather irritating and I already got one victim, so... ^^;; Sorry...!! Just wanted you guys to hear it first- ^^;

But, err... if you haven't heard it yet please do...! >_< See that little rectangular thingy on the left..? Click play k? ^^ And if you manage to catch the part I couldn't tell me please! =D Thanks in advance!!

I love the song, period.


Signing off... ...
STUDY!!!

Thank you, best friends :)

Okay... I'm gonna do another reminiscing and thank-you post again... Been going into these kinda moods a lot recently... ^^;; If I sound gay... ... *coughs* I'm afraid you'll have to bear with me, or of course, skip this post, or the first section-

Past recollection: I suddenly remembered what my best friends used to say... "Don't be too soft-hearted! That's why everyone takes advantage of you!", (Well, there was also the "Hey only I can do that! Don't let other people do that to you! I'll go talk to her."), "You should stand up for yourself!", "That person's such an ass. If if was me...", "WHAT you did that?? I want to shake you girl- How could you let him/her control you like that?", "If that person bullies you, I'll go after him/her with a chopper(or some other weapon)!", "WHAT you said sorry??! What for?? He/She should be the one apologising!" ... And of course, the one that melted me... "It hurts me to see you in this kind of situation."

=^^= *sighs dreamily* Heehee... One should see this... And recognise which ones she said- And yeah... perhaps another good friend who's said some of these before... But thank you so much-- It's times when I hear that that I know that I'm not alone and I can keep going on- Don't know what I'd do without you guys... ^_^ Perhaps it's my flaw, perhaps it's my strength... I don't know... But it's nice knowing that what I do is recognised by my friends, even if not by the person I'm doing it for.

SC days were sweet... The girls were sweet... Still are ;) And yes, that's any SC girl that's reading this right now. ^^ Love you guys.

Quote: "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Oh, so true. Same goes for maturity and immaturity. Maturity comes with the ability to look out for other people other than yourself, and knowing the fact that the world doesn't revolve around you. I shall quote a friend: "You shouldn't revolve around a relationship. The relationship should revolve around everything else." So true... Guess that's how relationships stay strong and beautiful. =^^= And of course, respecting the person as a person. (I'm not sure if that actually makes sense to you, but it does, to me. I have no idea how to re-phrase it) Glad I have the person who told me that- =D Survival of the fittest, with a slightly warped meaning-


Signing off... ...
Friends are the most beautiful things one could have.

Too Close

Too Close

Nobody knows me
I've always wanted it that way
No one controls me
They never get me on the time of day

No one has seen me cry
I only do that alone
My seamless mask of disguise

Watch how I run
Far from the one
Whos getting

Too Close
Might just meet my expectations
Don't get too close
Afraid you'll see my desperation
Your revelations
Too close

I had a lover
He came and took my mask away
No suit of armour
That he could nothing into penetrate (??)

Plucked my heart with his knife
Butterfly-ed into...
Left myself open wide

Completely misused and
Falsely accused of getting

Too Close
Thought I met his expectations
But I got too close
Saw into his desperation
My revelation
Too close


Too Close
Might just meet my expectations
If you get too close
Afraid you'll see my desperation
Your revelations
Too close

Too Close

Nobody knows me

No one controls me~

====================================
Too Close: Beautiful song... Fell with it the first time I heard it... Love it to the core... Probably cause I can connect with it so well... Or is it just me...? Hmm... But the funny thing is that I can't find anything about it on the net... *growls* So I typed the lyrics out... But see that '(??)' there...? That's the part that I can't make sense out of >_< If anyone can figure it out tell me k..? It's the song playing in the background ^^

Japanese and Dance: Let's see... My dance chapter is over... Japanese may just be, too... They were both really beautiful aspects of my life... Japanese, having taken it for like, what, 6 years...? I'll miss my sensei and classmates and stuff... Dance is over, for now, too...

More time: I assumed that that would mean more time for my projects and work and stuff, but I supposed I just proved myself wrong the past week... I suppose I'll have to enforce the discipline that I so lack. No communication whatsoever while doing work. No distractions.

Handphone: I have had the insane urge to throw my handphone away quite a couple of times already... Had to borrow my classmate's eraser this morning to throw around the room in order to quench my thirst for the sound and feel of shattering... well. Objects. The table would have worked too but... *shrugs*

I wonder... If I smashed my handphone... (Karen was amazingly kind to offer her handphone for me to smash ^^;;) what would happen..? I'd be back to how I was in the past I think- Back in time- Which wouldn't be a bad thing. I could choose. If anyone wanted to get me, they could get me at home. And if I didn't want to listen, my parents could help me reject the call. I had a choice, then.

Now, I don't.

Lazy creatures: Karen said before, that technology was making us all lazy... I agree wholeheartedly. I miss the times when I could run freely everywhere, anytime, anywhere... Sprint around school... Walk from home to any place in orchard, and back again. Play basketball, badminton, etc... Although I sucked at it. Walk under the setting sun, in the evening, taking in the cool air, just thinking, just appreciating and reflecting...

When I could take the time in the bus to sleep, to go anywhere without getting tagged. Taking the stairs instead of the lift... Doing my work without having to worry about a window popping up and demanding a reply... Writing my letters and sending it to my penpals... Writing letters to my friends...

That was the life.

Love Rhombus: Truth. Beauty. Freedom. Love. Half-truth. The 4 sides and inner angle... The love rhombus' names have never struck me as hard as this before... All the essentials of life... The first 4 always so difficult to maintain... Always under pressure... Always threatening to break...

Pressure from outside is so much easier to handle than pressure from inside- I'm glad to say that most of the people close to me... Friends, family, are usually on the same line as me... So there's always something to fall back on... But I've had quite a bit of the taste of inner pressure and it really is a million times harder than outside pressure due to the inability to push back...

Quotes: I've heard a few lines that I've found amazingly accurate... "It's okay to run sometimes when heading it face on will not bring about any difference to anyone and will only result in pain, and more pain, to yourself.", "Sometimes, it's not the matter of time management... Sometimes there are just too many things that not even the master of time manipulation will be able to organise them." I've never known how true these can actually be till recently... Guess we'll only be able to keep fighting back-


Signing off... ...
The music,
Paused.

Jaded & Thankies

Jaded: Okay... It's really really sad how many people turn jaded at such a young age... It's really sad when you turn jaded and not trust anybody... I remember reading a line somewhere that said, "If someone betrays your trust, keep trusting and just be careful who you trust next time". I believe so. Just look at how many great people I know... ^^ It really is amazing how many good friends I have- Love all of them >_<

Choose: Some people choose to believe that everyone out there is out to get them, some people choose to harp on something bad coming up, on something they dread, to avoid situations.... But why? Why do that to yourself when you can choose to accept, to close your eyes and take in the cool, fresh night air that calms your entire body, to relish in what there is at the moment? To appreciate everything else that is there, just there. Things that may not be, but is.

Why not be thankful, why not look on the bright side, look on what can be best made out of it, look at the broader picture and into the future? To think from other perspectives rather than wallow in self-pity? There's a lot to learn.

Sacrifices: There will be times when everything seems to go wrong, times when everything piles up, times when you just wish time would stop and let you finish everything- When you wish the conflicting areas in your life would just come together and come to a consensus instead of driving you mad. But that will never happen. Sacrifices have to be made. Discipline has to be enforced. And no one can do that, but you.

Thanks

Dance
Seniors and Dance-mates: Thanks a million to them for helping me with my makeup, hair, outfit and whatever not~ Life-savers =^^= And also to all those (like Yating, Jennifer etc) for touching up for me before I went on, and for all the luck and tips etc- It was really great and fun to be part of the Dancesport family... Never felt that integrated before the competition.. but after that I really felt like a part of you guys... And I can actually talk to those I never really dared to talk to before- It was a really great experience and yea...... I'll never forget it. And yea...

I'll miss you guys-

Partner: For well, sending us for the lesson- And putting up with all my bad temper and impatience... Poor guy had me snapping at him almost every time. Sigh... Yeah. Anywayz, it was a short partnership but I learnt a lot ^^ Thanks.

Xiaofei: For wishing me luck and yea... Helping me out of the fix... For always looking out for me... For finding me a partner when you knew I really wanted to go for a competition and such... And always teaching and guiding me and pulling me aside to practice together... And for teaching my partner for me everytime he drove me mad... And for taking the time to go with me to look for my outfit- For accompanying me and everything despite my extremely tight schedule and stuff... You've been a really _really_ great friend. ^_^ If I forget everything about dance, I may just abt just remember the competition dinner, the dancing, and you.

Chris: For wishing me good luck and reassuring me before I left- And for sending me that sms telling me to 'leave all the assignment stuff out of my mind' for the weekend and to concentrate on the competition and to do my best- It's been great having you as a team-mate- =)


Food Bazaar
SQ: Wah. I know you've been really really stressed out and I didn't really help much... =S I apologise for all the trouble and inconvenience I brought about and yea... You did a great job =) The gross profit was very marginal but yea, at least we got the target =) Thanks for EVERYTHING you did for the food bazaar and for us and stuff... Great event chairperson =) And yes, thank you for always understanding~ ^^

Steve: Thanks for like doing almost everything for our stall... And like getting all the knives and cloth and brownies and donating the chocolate and always being at the stall and for like getting the machine for melting the chocolate, and for helping us to bring the price down and for helping me with stuff- ^^

Clar: Yeah, thanks for the icing and sieve thing and yeah- ^^

People who supported: Yeah~ For those who came to buy and stuff- And yeah, I think Jon like used a lot of money ^^;; Heheh... Thankies~ =D

Projects
Chris: Gosh, I've been making you stay up late and everything recently >_<>Karen & Mich: Thanks for supporting me at my dance thing and listening to me ramble and supporting me and always being there whenever I have like panic attacks or something- And like for informing me about stuff >_< Yeah. ^^

Clar: Thank you for Rose and the Connectors and stuff- =P Even though you distracted me when I was supposed to be using Rose... -_____-" But yeah- Anyway, thanks for lending me your lappy and stuff >_<

Signing off... ...

The Baby

The baby
Stands, then
Falls, with a loud
Thud.

He cries out in
momentary Pain
then Stands again, then
Falls
Again.

3 times,
4 times,
10 times.

The baby
no longer
cries.

At each Fall,
he Stands
Again.
At each Fall,
he turns
Stronger.

Years pass, and
the baby
learns
the use of railings, and
the ability to balance.

But one day,
hands push
shove
slap, and he
Falls again.

Without any

support,

the hard contact

Hurts.

he gropes
for a railing
for an outstretched hand
for a form of support, while
flesh
hurt.

The grown baby,
back to Square 1.
---------------------------------------------
A/N: Okay, that looked quite haphazard... I think my ability to write has disappeared... -__-" Ah well. It'll have to do.


Signing off... ...

Stuffing durian,

Stress: Been extremely stressed, and my mind and body were both about to break down. Body did a force-shut down on me this morning, where I had to skip a tutorial because my head kept protesting violently everytime I stood to walk. Walking a longer distance prompted my entire body muscles to protest, as well. Good thing is that I got more rest I guess- =)

Forgotten stress: Yeah, anyway, perhaps it was because my body was a bit better, and some problems were starting to pave their way to their solutions, that my mind dug something that I had thrown aside pretty forcefully some time back. Brought my mind into a reel and into arguments that had a clear result, and whose result brought tears and confusion everywhere.

Giving and taking: I realise that there are several forms of giving and taking - One form is akin to stuffing durian down someone's throat. For example... ('A' loves durian while 'B' hates it to the core)

A: Hey, I've got some durian, let's eat some! *divides durian between the two*
B: Err, but I don't like durian...
A: You should at least try it! *pushes a section towards B*
B: *winces at the strong smell* Err, no it's alright...
A: Come on, you wouldn't know without trying! *grabs a piece and pushes it against B's lips*
B: *presses lips together*
A: *pushes it further* Come on, just try it. Trust me!
B: *relents after a while seeing no way to get out of it* *swallows with difficulty*
A: *grins* See? That ain't so bad, right?
B: *thinks: Urgh*
A: Here! Try another! *stuffs another piece into B's mouth*
B: *thinks: Gosh, there's some more??*
A: *stuffs*
B: *gives up totally and relents*
A: *stuffs till almost whole durian is gone* See? I told you it was good! *grins*
B: *feels like puking*

See, that's the case where there's no argument as to who should have given way. Yet, many a time cases turn out this way instead. Sad, really...

Dance: Gonna be heading for JB on Friday... >_< Please wish me luck and pray for me. I'll need it.

Signing off... ...

Screw-up and apologies

Screw-up: Right. Wonderful. Been screwing everything single little aspect of my life up. Disappointing everyone, I think. And myself. Been so lost and everything recently. I guess the saying "You can't make everyone happy" is right. Screwed up stuff with Clar, pretty much neglected 'Manda (esp the yukata thing), screwing up dance, neglecting my family... Screwing up my schoolwork, screwing up club stuff, screwing myself up.

Apologies: The biggest apology I have to make is to Manda... Like taking so long to reply your smses... And for sometimes not even replying/smsing for a day. For not being able to be there at the point when you needed to talk... For not being able to keep to the promise that I'll do the yukata thing... And... yeah... etc... And of course, to clar... for, well. You know what, I suppose.


Signing off... ...
Tired...

Busy. Overloaded. Lost. [Time]

Yep, lots of talk. I'm finally not gonna just narrate my daily happenings. About time. But let me warn you, it's an extremely long entry... My brain, I'm afraid, is on overdrive.

Private space and time: Okay, so I've always been a person who's needed my own private space and time... I realise that it's almost a _must_ for me to have these. Lack of private space makes me feel extremely suffocated, invaded, vulnerable... and etc. A lack of my own time... Well, let's just say I found the consequence out today.

Time alone: I've not had much time alone for the past... well. Ages. No time to think, no time for myself or anything like that. So... I found out what happens to me when that happens. Went out with Clar for lunch and stuff... Ended up entering my 'thinking' mode during lunch, when we were walking, and even when I went for class. Ended up zoning out when my teacher was talking... and when we were supposed to be reading this passage and answering questions.

There was a point in time when I read the thing in my head, but nothing was processed. Only after over a paragraph later did I realise that, and had to go back to read it over again. Needless to say, I was like the slowest. When she started to go through the passage, I had only done 2/3 the passage, at most. And like everyone else had finished...! Gah. Then decided to take a walk back from class so that I could think, instead of taking a bus. Needed the walk too. ^^

But at least all the time thinking got me back on track. Got me somewhat less confused and back on what I want to and should be. Not enough, but will do for now, I guess. I've got a bumpy road ahead of me and any form of stabilisation will help.

Family time: I realise that I've been treasuring any time alone or with my family much more than I usually would. Which means only one thing: I haven't been spending enough time with my family. It's really very sad... Considering that there have been major happenings recently that I've not known about, simply because I'm never at home for them to update me. At dinner today, I couldn't help but appreciate how nice the food was, and felt so ashamed when my mum mentioned something about using up the fish and minced pork (when I commented that it was really nice) for previous meals, which I didn't know of, because I wasn't there.

That's not even including when I didn't even know when my brother was down with food poisoning over a long period of time. Great. And I only realised the day after he recovered. Wonderful sister I am.

My identity: I felt that I've been losing it bit by bit, chunk by chunk... Realised that I have my own way of dealing with things and should stick to it. No matter what people say, no matter what people think, no matter what people want me to do. I am who I am, and I should not keep moulding myself into what people want me to be.

I have to admit that I end up doing the latter all the time anyway, and I have no one to blame but myself when I don't like the end result. Compromisation is one thing, identity mutation is another. I've been changing my style, my way of doing things, my thoughts, my everything, with compromisation. No one to blame. If I decide to compromise, it is my own duty to hold true to myself, to keep my values firm and everything.

Not everything has to be said, not everything thought through the head has to come out of my mouth. I believed that from a long, long, time ago. But I had to throw that all out the window. So I suffer the consequences. Now, I shall have to work back to getting back in shape and knowing what I have to say and what I don't.

Self mutation and determination: People I've known around me for so long are starting to leave me one by one... And so well, I started to think. If I was going to die, I do not want to regret the choices I've made, the things I've done, everything I've done to myself. I've been extremely confused over what I think I should do, and whether I should change what I have been doing. The former, I am still confused over, but I came to a conclusion over the latter.

Just thought that I should just stick with what I'm happy doing. If what I do brings a smile to my face and makes me happy, no matter what other people say I should just stick to it if I believe that it's the right thing to do. Other people have their own views, and just as well, since everyone is entitled to have them, and it really is interesting when you look around and see how different people around you handle things. This change in perspective is not something that should push me to mutate myself into something that would fit that perspective. Even if that perspective is that of someone close to you.

Accepting them for who they are does not equate to agreeing with them, or changing your mindset to correspond to theirs. I believe that if you stick to what you strongly believe in, something you know you don't want to change and that you won't be happy changing (of course, when it needs to be changed it should be), people will accept you for who you are. The people who matter, that is.

Busy: Aside from all that, well, back to the physical world. I'll be extremely busy, and have been overloading myself a lot. Emotional roller coaster rides have been the norm over the past week or so, and will probably be over the next couple of weeks too. If things go bad, it may last all the way till the end of the sem. I've got my dancesport competition (in which I need to brush up A LOT on) and school, and Jap, and meeting ups, and the upcoming fund raising thing from club. And the Japan trip. It's about time I got back to focusing. Don't know why I keep my phone next to me all the time at home now. I'll probably go back to leaving it in my bag.

Thanks: To my Jap class. The passage content was one of the biggest reasons why I managed to think through and get some kind of breakthrough. And Manda, for sticking with me... I'm so sorry for having neglected you the past few days... =( And well, Clar too- Ended up learning a lot of things and thought through a lot of things because of stuff too.

And oh yes... HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Manda and Meiling!! For today~ =D And to Momo and Deone 2 weeks ago.


Signing off... ...

If... Updates on events

If I could run,
I would.
If I could give up,
I would.
If I could break down,
I would.

If only I could.
--------------------------
Yeah, well, I haven't been able to blog about the stuff that happened over the past few weeks, so I shall blog about it now... >_< A bit late, but ah well.

CT Outing: YES finally met up with my dearest CT!! =D A few people didn't manage to go, but it was alright, at any rate. We met up to eat at Seoul Garden, then went for pool... I took a couple of photos... And William started experimenting with marinated prawns (marinating the prawns with all sorts of drinks before 'frying' them.) It was fun~~ =D

Ice-skating: Yep, then went ice-skating with the HK peeps~ It was dead fun =D I helped some people for a while with their skating~ Sho proud of them!! =)=) Made drastic improvement, for some =) Whee love the HK peeps~ Fun fun fun. Clar said to go cycling the next time... so... Looking forward to it!! =D

Horoscope: My horoscope stuff have been extremely accurate and been giving extremely appropriate advice for the past 2 weeks or so @.@ Like... whoa. I guess it'll be hard to say that it's a coincidence or something since it's been spot-on almost everyday. Almost.

Gah. I'm too tired to think of what to blog so I shall end here... for now.


Signing off... ...
Overloaded

"The one who deserves your tears, won't make you cry"... Nuh-uh.

Random post... Wanted to blog 'bout loads of stuff... but no time... So... Ah well. ^^;; This will have to do for now.

Forwarded message thing: I just remembered this one line from one of those forwarded emails... "... and the one who deserves your tears, won't make you cry". I expect most of you would have received that before (considering I got it in my mailbox more than once) but I'm afraid I have to say that I beg to differ.

I can just about safely say that I've cried for practically everyone important to me. Or rather, those really really close to me. Be it family, best friends, close friends etc. It's precisely because that person is so important, so close to you, that at some point in time, you're bound to shed tears for that person. It may be because of neglect, a row, disagreement, or just about any other thing under the sun. It may be because of sadness, hurt, jealousy, anger, indignance, happiness, gratefulness or any other thing.

Either way, it's impossible to find someone who will never make you cry, unless that person transforms you into someone incapable of feeling, in which case, would make the relationship unhealthy, and then again, will deem that person unworthy of your tears. ... Am I even making sense?

Hmm... Then again, maybe it's just that I just end up crying too easily ^^;;


Signing off... ...

Birthday- So much for 19 =P

Warning: Rambling post ahead.

Birthday: Hm, today (or rather, yesterday) was Clar's bday... Woke up feeling slightly sick and extremely groggy... Yep, bad start- But err, I guess everything was worth it when he opened the stuff- Took like... I dunno, an hour to open and read everything? But... yeah. It's a bit late (yeah, I changed the time of post so it's still valid) but HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY once again!! =)

Foiled plans: Yeah, like I said, fell sick... Temperature went up to like 39.8 degrees... Ended up imposing on Clar & family... =( Couldn't go for the bowling that we planned to go for, nor the hot-air balloon ride... in short, all our plans were ruined. Ended up sleeping the afternoon away cause of my dumb fever- >_<

Thanks: Thankies to Clar for taking care of me the entire of today-- Including letting me off with one donut and for letting me like walk super slowly and stuff- And yeah for the DVD-- twas nice- ^^ Although err... my dumb computer can't seem to play the music >_< 'manda for sitting through all my panic smses >_<


Signing off... ...
Groggy. Tired. Sleep.

If I was no longer me

Before you read this... I'd like you know that this is not for a single individual. The you is _you_.

-------------------------------------------------------

If I was no longer me,
If I no longer talk like me,
If I no longer speak like me,
would you still care?

If I was no longer me,
would you still talk to me
confide in me
hug me?

If I was no longer me,
will you still let me
hear your laughter
problems
tears?

If I was no longer me,
will you still
listen to me
spend time with me
hold me together?

If I was no longer me,
would you hate me?

If I hated myself,
would you forgive me
even if I could not
bring myself to?

If I wanted you to hate me...

Would you?

------------------------------------------------
A/N: Don't know what this is.


Signing off... ...

The General

The one in control,
yet not
The one.

Plans
mapped out in front of him,
each dot
cross
and flag.

He turns
to his left
to his right
to see his men,

Millions
on his left,
Millions
on his right.

All
in support.

He Waits,
for the
Signal
to start.

A few seconds,
minutes,
pass

In wait
for the Emperor's
Command.

The bell rings,
the door
Slams
open.

the Decree
tears the map,
Scattering
the intricate dots,
crosses
and flags
across the floor, and
across the room.

He stands, then
Bows Low
to the Decree
as His men
still stand with their heads high,
still standing tall.

Millions
on his left,
Millions
on his right.

All
in support
of His old plans.

He looks up,
as the Decree pats his head
in Approval, then
Slaps
his face
in Disapproval.

Once.

Twice.

His face stays
Straight,
while the
Millions
on his left,
Millions on his right,
Wince.

He Bows,
Stiffly,
face
Inscrutinable.

the Decree
Strokes
his hair in mock
Affection
then
Slaps

Once.

Twice.

Again.

the
Millions
on his left,
Millions
on his right,
Narrow
their eyes

and yet
He Stands
with a Straight
face

because He knows the
Millions
on his left,
Millions
on his right are

All still
in support.

---------------------------------------------
A/N: Stroke of inspiration.


Signing off... ...

HK trip & Bday

Trip on the whole: It was alright~ Ups and downs on the trip- Conflicting emotions and happy days and all... And everyone was very nice~ Particularly liked the uncle from the restaurant we always eat breakfast at... Called Uncle John, if I'm not wrong, and was rather protective of me ^^;; Heh. _And_ he sang me the cantonese birthday song~ =D

Mixing with HK students: Yepz, the HK students were nice peeps~ Sad thing was that I didn't manage to talk to them much... They rather liked Clar though- They talked loads ^^;;

Other people from the trip: Didn't get to mix around much... Or rather, as much as I would have liked to... but it was fun~ =) Everyone was really really nice. I missed out on the night hanging out in my friends' rooms (okay, those who have been on trips/camps with me please shut your mouth >_< I know that's really uncharacteristic of me)... But I still enjoyed myself~ =)

What I learnt: My values that I've kept to so far should be kept to, despite what anyone else says. I've learnt that much this far in my life and abandoning them will only serve to make me feel worse. I've gotta wisen up and keep my ears sharp >_<

Birthday: Okay, I celebrated my birthday in HK, in Disneyland =D Well, I got my wish of hearing the cantonese birthday song~ =)=) Loved it loads. Yepz. And I got... let's see... a couple of presents too~ and one given to me in HK ^^

Clar: Thanks for the key-chain thingy~ ^^ And for the day at Disneyland~ The roller coaster was fun~ =D *grins* And the lunch there. And the 'I-like-A-Sam'~ =P Heh. (for those who don't know, it was meant to be 'Alakazam', but we couldn't understand ^^;;)

Gary: Thanks for all the effort you put in for mi prezzy- Lazy piggy though. I'll open the remaining next year don't worry =P I've got good self-control ;)

Huiyong: Thanks for the card and bothering to find out my address and for the hand-written message~ =) The only card I got this year~ Thankies~ =D Yepz, CT outing coming up then, after you guys' prelims =D

Chelsea: Thanks for remembering my bday~ =D I'll take your word for it that you'll be treating me to egg tarts! =P Heehee... =D See ya when you drop by to see me at school~ Miss ya-

Others: Thanks for the messages wishing me Happy Birthday~ =D


Signing off... ...