Smoke

I'm confused as to why I'm experiencing something akin to emotional turmoil.

Signing off... ...

In a tight little knot right now.

2.5 more months...

I forsee myself tearing/crying uncontrollably when I have to fly back to Singapore in January.... =/

But I suppose I could always busy myself with thinking of what I should do when I get back and start 'preparing' for my next trip >_<


Signing off... ...

Relationships

I think that there are 3 things that are required for a mature relationship...

1) Trust

2) Maturity

3) Self-confidence

I know that I'm lacking in several areas, especially the last, and I hope that doesn't define what makes me ready for a relationship.

Signing off... ...

Am worried.

Freedom

The thread has been snipped, and I have never flown as freely as I do now in my entire life.

These approx 2 weeks have been the best time ever.

Signing off... ...

The biggest mistake of my life

1 month of friendship...

All a lie.

4 years and 2 months of... "Love".

All a lie.

I need to stop getting taken in by all these people.

At the end of it, I'm the only one who gets hurt.

I'm the only one who has to put up with all the nonsense.

The consequence of my mistake:

Having to sit through another 4 months of pure, f*cking torture

With nowhere to run.

I want to stop listening with my ears.

I want to stop wanting to hear what my heart wants to hear.

I should just listen to what my head and heart tell me.

If my friends are really friends,

They'll support me.

Signing off... ...

Numb.

いったい何が「忠実」なのよ？！

さようなら

久しぶりなんだけど、どこかで話したかったね。。。

４年間だった。。。ツライ思いもあったし、楽しいときもいっぱいあった。一週間前の私は一番辛かったと思ったけど、おとといは死ぬほど辛かったんだ。。。今の辛さとおとといのツラさはちょっとだけ違うけど、まだ耐えられるかどうか分からない。。。

愛してたよ。今でも愛してるけど。

嬉しく話したいけど、彼の中の一番愛しい人はもう私じゃないって考えたら、また泣きたくなる。何でたった一ヶ月でそんなに変わるの？知らぬ間に。。。でも、だからこそ私たちはもうムリなんだって事が分かる。

愛しちゃいけないけど、まだ愛してる。

あいつの前ではもう二度と泣かないように。。。ムリかもしれないけど。

でも、ちょっとうらやましいね。。。あいつは誰かがいるから、そんなに寂しいとは思わないけど。。。私は違う。シンガポールでもあまり親友がなくて。。。今でも変わらない。Aちゃんがいるけど。。。今は一人でこの辛さを超えなくちゃならない。

寂しいけど、ツライけど。仕方がない。

頑張らないと。この辛さがいつか終わるように。この泣きの毎日がいつか終わるように。


Signing off... ...

さようなら

Poem: The Sky

I haven't updated in SOOOOOOO long... And I haven't written any poems in probably just as long =X

Anyway, I suddenly got an inspiration the other day on the way to school... After so many months ^^;;

This is especially dedicated to Manda, Clar and Chris... And any of my other friends who feel that they can connect with this poem =) Heh...

The Sky

You are the one who will always be there;
The one who quietly listens, and
The one who does not judge.

You have your days;
Sometimes clear,
. Sometimes Covered with White Clouds, or
. . Covered with Gray Clouds, or
. . . . Bothered by thunderstorms.

But you will always be there,
Behind the rain,
Behind those clouds,
Behind the passing trees,
Behind the gloomy, four walls of the room I have to face
Everyday.

I may not be able to see you all the time,
But I take comfort
In knowing that you are always still there;
Always ready to greet me.

People may change,
People may grow distant, and
People may betray others.

But you
Will always be on my side,
Will always listen,
Will never judge.

And I take comfort in your presence.

Signing off... ...

Depressed... On just the 1st week of school?

最近暗いんです。

学校で全力で頑張らなくちゃって分かっていても、今の私ではできないと思う。今怖いって気持ちで学校に行って、チームの人と仲良くできないと信じて（仲良くしても、多分考え方も違うし、楽しく過ごせないと思い込んでる）、あまり友達もなくて、嫌な気持ちなんです。

考えすぎなのかな？

だって、友達はたくさんいるよ（ただ、クラスにはいない）。

まあ、とにかく頑張ろう！！


Signing off... ...

An update

I bought a camera. (yay.)

I have one more exam. (yay.)

Japan trip is in 2 weeks. (yay.)

Signing off... ...

一人で旅したい。自分探しのたびを。

Happy (belated) Birthday to me

Yet another birthday has passed.

The big 21.

Posted a wishlist for the first time, didn't get anything from it. As expected.

Ah well.

The funny thing is the person who asked for the wishlist gave me something that was sweet and thoughtful anyway, although she didn't get it from the list ^^;;


Signing off... ...

Funny Chinese Variety Show Video

For all who know chinese...

Here's a really funny video clip my dad posted on facebook =x

They're supposed to guess some words while their partner tries to explain the word to them in english. Her english is atrocious though, and she keeps finding ways to let her partner guess without actually explaining the actual meaning in english. I kept laughing when she said "one cut forty four... is how much"... Hahaha... She actually meant "one minus forty four" - and it's such an unorthodox way of trying to tell him the words.

If you don't understand chinese I think you can probably still find these parts funny:

1.09 - 2.45: Damn funny, even if you don't understand chinese. In case you can't see the english words on the screen it says "Curse and Swear" - but actually it's something more like swearing something and then saying something bad will happen to yourself if you don't fulfil it.

2.49 - 3.42: OMG.

5.04 ~: This is the part with "One cut forty four".

There are quite a bit of taiwanese parts, but their reaction makes up for the parts we don't quite get ^^;

Signing off... ...

Driving Test....

OMG. I MIRACULOUSLY PASSED! (Okay this piece of news is about a week late but *coughs* ah well)

Signing off...

Wishlist

I have posted a wishlist on the side of my blog for fun =X Since someone was totally supporting the idea of me putting up a wishlist when I mentioned it in passing =x Heh.

Driving test next friday!

Signing off... ...

Consequences

Everyone has to live with the consequences of their own actions...

There's no way to run.

Signing off... ...

Happy early 21st Birthday, Dear Friend

I have an important friend (whom I've not contacted in a while) who's going to celebrate her 21st birthday sometime this month... And I really want to be there.

Problem is, I don't think I'm 'there' in her heart any longer and I feel awkward if I suddenly tell her "Hey I want to go to that birthday celebration that I'm not even sure I'm invited to go for".

I finally logged in to livejournal to read up on her latest entries... And it hurt, for some reason, to know that my existence is no longer... Well. That I don't seem to cross her mind any longer. Probably my fault though, to have let us drift apart so much.

Ah well.

Signing off... ...

Rotten Day

Today's been absolutely crappy -_-" Like, totally. Since I started my first lesson... The best thing that happened today was meeting Manda along the corridor and bumping into Lynette in the foodcourt-

I've been in a 'I don't want to talk to anyone as long as I can help it' mood today... As soon as I feel a teeny bit better something else happens to throw me back to the dumps.

Hope the rotten day wears off soon- I'm totally not looking forward to tomorrow.

Signing off... ...

Poem: The Fire

Wrote a new poem quite a couple of weeks back during lecture:

The burn

of wood,

       of oil,

  of pure black charcoal

     stank, and

 suffocated,

Darkening the surroundings, and

removing the red, the blue, and

the green, leaving

nothing but the gray.

And black.

Signing off... ...

Annoyed.

Quite annoyed.

When my mum doesn't see me studying I'm "Not Working". When I'm replying an sms I get stuff like "So how's your study? You look more dreamy than anything else." Like what, I'm expected to be studying 24/7??

When I get damn pissed off I get the impression that they just want to drive me crazy.

It'd be nice not to get snide remarks once in a while. It'd be nice to be left alone. It's not easy being in Uni.

2 more papers.

Signing off... ...

Understanding 'Impossible'

Took this off one of Karen's shared items.

Signing off... ...