Hurt

I never thought that it'd be this hard...
Having no one with me in school.
It wouldn't be so bad if i made some really close friends...
But...
I didn't think it'd be this hard without a constant...

Pining... Yearning...
I'm bad at handling emotions
and expressing them.
I can't tell anyone about certain things...

It wouldn't have been so bad
but when a close friend tells me that whatever I'm percieving is wrong straight in my face without understanding the hidden emotions underneath...
It starts to hurt.


But I'm grateful to certain people too:
My friends who listen to me ramble (you guys know who you are)
and a particular person from poly...
though the person probably doesn't know that he (used generally) has helped me so much.
But I'm grateful.


Signing off... ...
P.S. This ain't no poem. Just an extremely haphazard entry.

Friday blues

Friday blues: Today we ended at a little past 12, and I SOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo wanted to go out with someone after that. Like with Hi-5 or my class or whatever. Everyone who knows me (especially my OG) would know that I tend to be extremely enthu over this kinda stuff. The group I was with for the games (something like treasure hunt) was SO un-enthu. Everyone just _refused_ to run, and took their time to stroll from one station to the next.

Coldness: "Oh darn, I forgot their names..." "Huh? I'm Winnie remember? And she's Ester" I laughed. "No no, I mean the rest of them." Both of them looked at me weirdly. "But you're not in the same course as them what." I could feel myself freeze. "Err... so?" I managed to say after some time, glad that my voice didn't sound rude.

Lunch? Or no: After the games I looked around for someone I knew. I heard that a few groups were going out for lunch, and I badly wanted to go with them. I mean, look, it's a bloody friday. and not even 1pm yet! I headed back to the room where our bags were and poked someone from Hi-5 on the arm. "Hey, have you gotten your EZ-link card yet?" I tried, hoping that I could get someone to at least accompany me to get my stupid EZlink. Unfortunately... "Yeah, but it's only valid starting on the 30th." "Oh, okay... Never mind then." Suddenly he shouted across me, "HEY, ! Want to join us for lunch?" Just before that, I overheard that they were going with one of our seniors too. And he just screamed across me. Okay, like thank you very much. I know when I'm not wanted. So I took a step back, glanced around the room one more time, and walked out towards the lobby.

Sulk: I passed by quite a few people and heard quite a lot of people being invited to go out for lunch. I was like the only idiot walking, not towards somewhere for lunch, but home. I had to admit, I started to sulk. My OG would know... I mean, I used to ask everyone practically EVERYDAY whether they'd like to go out after school. Resulting in 10 outings in a single month. Now? Damnit. I even asked my GL when our Hi-5 outing would be, but she said "sometime next week, don't worry, I'll inform you." and she placed an arm on my shoulder." For the moment I felt somewhat comforted. But 'one week' sounded a long way away...

Idiocy: Okay, so I was feeling lonely and brooding over it as I walked out of the school. I was supposed to walk past the MRT station and to my bus stop to take a bus home, but I ended up walking INTO The MRT station. And I only realised after I scanned my card and went onto the platform. Like WHAT AN IDIOTIC THING TO DO!!! Right. So I got pissed. And I continued to feel down on the train, throughout the whole ride. The fact that there was an ACJC couple standing so close to each other right across me didn't really help things much. Then there were a few idiotic people who, the moment entered the train, stood right at the entrance, blocking anyone from coming in or going out. Why did I say they were idiots? Simple. Because there was a whole lot of space behind them and they refused to move it. dammit. Dont' people understand the words "Please allow passengers to alight first" or "plese move to the centre of the cabin"?? I mean, even if you didn't want to move to the centre, you could at least move to the back right? No one who has brains stands in the MIDDLE of the bloody doorway. Oh wait. I forgot. They don't _have_ brains.

What did I accomplish today?: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No EZlink, no lunch. Ah well. ... I miss my OG and class...

Okay. I'm getting super harsh now. I'm sorry... I'm just very tired and pissed with myself and godknowswhatelse. I shall go off now.


Signing off... ...

Poly stuff

Poly stuff: Oh god. If you thought that there was a sex divide in JC, poly's worse. My class only has 2 girls, but the girl likes to mix with the girls from our buddy class. Which means that there's this lot of girls walking around and refusing to part. If I don't join them, i'll be alone, so I have no choice but to follow. It's damn pissing, because they hardly mix around with the other guys, and when I talk to a guy or something, they (especially one of them) woul give me a look.

And sometimes when I lag a bit (like when people cut in front of me and I end up lagging behind), when I catch up with them one of the girls like to go 'looking at shuai ge right?' That's not bad enough. "You went for camp?? Oh, I know why! To look for shuai ge right?" ... "Why'd you come to poly then? Oh, wait, I know! To find shuai ge right?" Oh geez. She sounds like she _has_ to have the words 'shuai ge' in every sentence. And she says it _all_ the time. Argh. I had a bloody urge to like smack her or something. And she calls the fatter guys 'monsters'. Like how bloody shallow can one get? The worse part of it -- she's 20. Now _that's_ called immature.

As a result I hardly mixed around with my class. And it's bloody pissing.

Flag day: So... Today was flag day, and for reasons mentioned above, my class suggested I go with some girls cause I'd be the only one in the group who was a girl. In the end, I joined some of the Hi-5 members(my camp group) and 1A/04 freshies. It was fun. ^^ Especially with Felix, Bryan and Xiu Hui. Yong Xian was amusing too, sitting on the bench hald the time and still getting about the same amount in his tin as me. Felix liked to flirt with guys and girls alike and Bryan was so attractive that he didn't have to go to people -- people came to him. Thank goodness I still have Hi-5 during this time. ^^

Results for the day? I collected $11.05. How bloody pathetic is that man? I stick to what I thought for the past few years. Those who willingly go to orchard area to sell flags are idiots. And for a day, I was one. But at least I had fun while I was at it. ^-^


Signing off... ...

Lazy piggy

Yes, yes, I know... I've been a little lazy fat pig rolling around in the mud... Not updating and all.. Heh. ^^

Camp: My ICT (name of faculty) camp just ended a few days ago... During the course of it I managed to break my slippers, spoil my handphone and chip my glasses. Not to mention get 3 blisters (which burst) on 3 different day. Add a bad sunburn to the mix. Whoala! That was my 4-day 3-night camp at SP. But I'm lucky, in a way, cause those people in my group were all very nice. ^^ One of them pissed me off as a few of my friends should know... but other than that everything was fine.

Then I managed to get myself a new phone. ^^ My dad went with me to the Singtel place and got me a new handphone, the cheapest tied with the contract. But I love it~ ^^ Very nice phone. Heh. =P

Poly: Orientation's starting from tomorrow, and well, you could say I'm starting to get slightly nervous. I've already been there and all... and I know the place where we're gonna meet... but I dunno... can't help freaking out a little...

More outings!!: I think we're gonna have an OG26 outing and a 05S9D outing in June and I'm sooo looking forward to it! Can't wait! I'll be having school so I may not be able to organise it all and stuff... but I'll be willing to help all I can!! ^-^ Miss all of you guys! And SC people too~~


Signing off... ...

The attack of the insects!!

Insect-tuned: Wah!! Today, after I came back home, I went to my toilet. As I walked to my sink to wash my hands, I suddenly felt something under my foot and quickly retracted it in case I squashed something. When I looked down, I saw that it was a dead lizard. I screamed and ran to my mum.

Then I went out with my parents to bring this guy to dinner. We went to Holland Drive to eat, at one of the hawker-centres. Suddenly, I felt this movement on my leg. I quickly started stamping my foot on the ground and a long insect dropped out from under my pants, before it crawled away. Yuck!! ARGH.

Then, some flying insects were at the lights at another area, and the boss turned off the lights so that they would go away. Okay, so one problem solved. And another follows. The whole swarm of them came over to our area. And kept dropping onto the table in front of me. Needless to say, I freaked as they just kept dropping, mostly near me. In the end, I moved so that I was sitting extremely close to my mum.

Finally, the attack of the insects ended, and we went home after dinner. I entered the bathroom to shower, and I proceeded to take off my socks. Then guess what? There was a large flying ant on the bottom! I hopped out of the toilet immediately and asked my mum to help me get it off. Oh gosh. Horrible.


Signing off... ...

No one...

P-U-N-C-T-U-A-L-I-T-Y :: Ever heard of it?

No time: Argh. Is it just me? Or does everyone not have the time to listen to me anymore? 3 examples in a day-- Either someone just plain doesn't have the time to listen, interrupts me as I'm about to speak and doesn't bother to concern himself (I shall just use 'he' generally so that I do not disclose who I'm referring to) with me after he finishes, or puts down the phone on me just as I'm about to say something. And that's just today. For the last few days, surprising or not, it's been my family I've been talking to. And it sucks because there are _so_ many things I can't talk about.

I can't scream about something extremely cute and gay I see on TV, and I can't share my day with a friend. It's pissing, really. When I don't want to go out, I am asked to too often-- by the same person. When I want to go out with someone or just want the person to come over to my house to hang out, we can't. And there's a charity fair I really really _REALLY_ want to go to on the 6th of may at the ENV building... and there's no one to go with. I'm finally gonna work for 3 days and it might just clash with the charity fair -- which I am only informed of after I think I can ask someone to go with me. Sigh.

Are you reading this? And you know something? I think hardly anyone reads my blog anymore. Someone told me to read his blog (again gender used generally) repeatedly, and I doubt that person actually read mine. If you want to know, yes, I went to read his. It'd be mean not to.

Blooging: It's a place to keep in touch with friends and update them on your life -- and a place to express your thoughts. Not what they say on the bloody TV.

Complaint blog? Gosh, I'm using my blog to complain more than anything else now, huh. Damn.

No one's perfect.

Signing off... ...

Tongue twister and up and down

Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled pepper.
A pack of picked pepper Peter Piper picked.
If Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled pepper,
Where's the pack of pickled pepper Peter Piper picked?

~Bunny rabbits don't hibernate. And that includes little bunny rabbits and mummy bunny rabbits.
~"Peter Piper" not "Peter Pepper".

------------

Oh gosh, I've gone mad, haven't I. Ah, I feel as if I'm stealing 'manda's way of blogging... Argh. I'm just lazy to go through all the nitty gritty details. Ah well.

Up and down
Up and down
Breathless.

Up and down
Up and down
Pain.

Up and down
Up and down.

Acceptance.


Signing off... ...

Problems galore

Just when he thinks its over
even before he gets to take a breath...
Another hits.

Like a tsunami
Wave
after Wave
after Wave
Each leaving him more tired than the last.

And then
All Hell Breaks Loose.


Signing off... ...

OG outing

Okay, sorry. I have screamed enough. Now time for me to go on to happier things. ^^

Went out: Today I went out with Amanda-- ^^ We talked, crapped, and well, went searching for a dolphin soft toy. After running around a lot of places, sampled ice-cream (mine was lychee and her's was strawberry), sampled chicken balls, we fianlly found a place which sold dolphins at Bugis. Then there was a problem.

Dress, skirt or dolphin?: Amanda saw a skirt at Mango (which was $60), and a dress at one of the shops at bugis (which was $28). Then there was also the dolphin. The smaller one was $36 i think, and the large one $62. We debated, and decided that she'd take the dress. When she opened her wallet though, she noticed that she only had $14!! And she fell into depression. We called Heri to ask him to lend her money, but then after arguing with herself, she deluded herself into thinking that she didn't want the dress anymore because she couldn't afford it. Well.

OG OUTING!!: We had an OG outing yesterday to celebrate PL and Jeff's b'day. We went to Sakae sushi, and well, the downside was that at first, we had 11 people going. Then it went down to 9, and then 8. 5 of us went into Sakae first, and started on the sushi buffet. After quite some time, the 3 others came and then they didn't dare to come in cause they didn't have enough money for the buffet. So I informed the supervisor and they seperated their table from ours.

Stealing food?: Hence, JL, Uncle and PL ate ala-carte instead. They were very reluctant in buying sushi plates, and only bought 2 plates of sushi, and Uncle bought a drink (which he said he'd frame up cause it cost a bomb). After some time, they got hungry, so Kevin, who was sitting next to me and nearest to the other table, placed a plate of sushi near the edge of table. Then, Jing Lun, with his fast-moving hands, took a sushi and popped it into his mouth within a blink of an eye. Kevin was actively giving them chances, but since Jing Lun was the nearest, I think he stole the most.. ^^;;

Then Uncle saw something he really wanted to eat, and he stood up, bent over his table and took one piece from out table. With such large actions, someone would have noticed. And notice someone did. Luckily, it wasn't the really fussy waitress nor the supervisor. She (thank heavens) turned a blind eye to it. I started getting cold feet, so the next time they wanted to steal food, I left the place to go to the toilet. When I came back, however, I was quite surprised to see that they hadn't taken anything. Heh.

Summary of dinner: I ate the most, I think, definitely more than 10, and perhaps reaching 20 plates. ^^;; Kevin wanted to make full use of the service and kept ordering plates from the waitresses instead. Raymund dropped a piece of crabmeat on the floor, and Wanxin kept changing seats. All in all it was fun.

NEOPRINT!!: After dinner, we went down to Dhoby Ghaut to take neoprint! Uncle kept trying to cover the camera with his hand, and I was desperately trying to squeeze myself into the photo. The whole photo-taking process turned into chaos. But the chaos was fun. ^^ OG chaos is good chaos. Heh. Gosh, am I even making sense?

Post-neoprint: Well, firstly, Kevin and Jing Lun changed bags, and agreed to do so for approximately 2 weeks. Heh. ^^ It was really funny. After some time, I noticed someone (was it Uncle or PL?) holding something in his hand. I went up to him and looked at it. "That looks nice. Where did you get it from?" He looked up. "You want? Which one do you want? Take your pick." At that, he turned and faced towards the ceiling. I followed his line of sight and hen noticed this whole row of decorations along the edge of the neoprint area. There were strings of decorations hanging down.

Jing Lun heard, and lifted his hand to tug slightly at it, causing an entire string of decorations to drop down!! Straight after he realised what happened, he picked it up and ran to catch up with us. Lol!! At that time, most of the OG had walked off towards the MRT, leaving him staring at the decorations. As for me, Jing Lun gave me one part of the string to bring home. Hahaha!! It was really REALLY fun. =)=)

OG 26, I LOVE YOU ALL!! ^^


Signing off... ...

Pissed

Okay, back to rambling. Pardon me, I. Am. Pissed. So I shall ramble. Thank you.

OG business: Don't misunderstand, I still love my OG. My closer friends (not necessarily in OG) will know that there's this one person who irritates me a lot, but that's not the point. Anyway, no offence to anyone in my OG, kay?

Just who asked for it?: Firstly, I'm always ALWAYS the one organising the outings and collecting the money and doing EVERYTHING (even though I may not be the one who SUGGESTED or INITIATED it) I'm bloody freaking broke right now with no job and absolutely no income, yet I'm the one who ends up paying for all the stuff first. Example. The BBQ. People owe me money. We go for dinner. Must buy presents. We buy presents. Other person pays for one present first. People pay me back for BBQ. People owe us money for presents. I give the other person back all the money she spent on the present. I am broke. I owe my mum money. Pissing, ain't it? Doesn't seem to make much sense.

Really, if you want to initiate an outing, you should be the one looking for the place OR AT LEAST calling to reserve the seats, OR calling the people in the OG OR going online to ask everyone for their opinion OR fixing a BLOODY DATE TO GO RIGHT??!! Then why is it I did everything? Without the person (whom I shall call ABC for now) lifting a bloody finger to help? Unles of course, you call bugging me practically everyday to see if I've called up all the OG people _help_.

Or am I just being over-sensitive? My computer is not helping matters right now. I'm only getting more pissed because it's lagging like mad. I time a whole string of sentences and it only shows them on the screen after approximately 5 to 10 seconds. Bloody. Pissed.

Argh. Yes, I know, my previous post applies to me too, but I just kinda blew up cause I'm bloody broke and I have no money to go out tomorrow and I've been trying like mad to find a job but to no avail. I don't get no allowance and no bloody income.

Complaints... And more complaints. Bloody hypocrite, that's what I am. I hate it when I do that. Just needed to find a place to rant it all out.


Signing off... ...

Just do it.

Sometimes we wonder why we do certain things...
"I only get hurt from doing these things"
"Why can't someone else do it?
"Why's it always me?"
Excuses, excuses...

Think about it, really.
If you didn't do what you did, would you really be happy?
Is that how you want yourself to be?
If it is, I have nothing to say.

I may get hurt,
but I won't do it any other way.
I may cry,
but I won't regret my actions.


Signing off... ...

Monday blues...

Cheated.
Disappointment. Horror.
A heavy heart.
From 5 to barely 3 an hour?
Hunger...
I want my lunch.

Everyone's gone
No one to talk to
Lingering hope
to make a new friend...
Disappointment.
No one to talk to...

Rushing home
Barely time for myself
"I'm back"
Walk.
"So how?"
Walk.
"I don't know."
SLAM!
tears.
waterfall.

"Dinnertime!"
"Yes, coming!"
Turn off the tap.
Rush.
Study for kanji test?
No, blog.
No time.
Class at 7.15...
Test. Homework...
Rush again.

Monday blues...


I'm really in a rush. Very haphazard entry... Exactly what I'm feeling. Damnit. It's 7. I'll be late.



Signing off... ...

Cosplay Ramble

Don't mind me... This entire entry is about cosplay...

Street Festival 2005: Okay, so there's a street fest on 4th June... Argh. Might not join though... They made such a big fuss over everything... I mean, cosplayers under 21 have to get their PARENT'S CONSENT??? What the heck...?? I'm so flattered that they treat us like primary school kids, thank you. Argh. Thank goodness, even if I was cosplaying, I wouldn't join the competition... Silly rules. It's not as if we're putting our life on the line when we join the competition... And past winners aren't allowed to join too, you know. In a matter of a few years, all the good cosplayers won't be allowed to join. Argh. What is _wrong_ with them. And the co-ordinators don't seem very friendly either... I was thinking of cosplaying actually, even though it's usually meant more for J-rockers (but since they so generously decided to let anime cosplayers in...) but Skye needs her wig for that event too, so that means that I can't do Howl... and I want to do Yukino for CosFest... So unless I miraculously come up with some idea on what to do that I can rush by then, I don't think I'll join... Ah well.

CosFest 2005: Now _this_ is what I'm looking forward to. I just hope that the bands won't be too loud... ^^;; I remember the year before, when the band started playing, everyone started evacuating. Heheh... But it was quite fun... ^^;; I'm working in order to get my Yukino done in time for this cosplay event. Which means I have to find another event to wear my Howl costume to... Hm. But oh darn... my shirt is not accurate. If I wear it to an event, won't it be obvious? Considering that I know there are others who want to do Howl's Moving castle too? Ahhhh!! Darn. It's time I started updating myself with the latest anime/manga... I'm getting backdated.


Signing off... ...

=I Diary for 2day

Today everything didn't exactly go as planned...

Work: Okay, so I made myself useful and tried calling up different places... Popular doesn't want me, so I tried out clothes shops instead. All of em didn't need any more helpers. Argh. Oh man... I soo wanted to work someplace near town... I need the bloody money damn it. Sigh... But seeing that I got lots of stuff to do too... *shrugs*

Rain: After all the failed attempts, I decided that it would do me some good to trudge down to the library. So I went to shower, and when I came out, it started raining. So I had to stay home and wait till it stopped raining... But well, I like the rain, and it sure made the day much cooler, so I didn't exactly have much cause to complain.

Library: Yup, I finally went down to the Library @ Orchard, and I had a headache... I was hoping there would be tables, but *cough* Apparently not. I guess it's nothing like a school library... And the books it had... Hm. Let's just say that I thought that they had better standards... I was there for barely and hour and I got slightly hungry, so I left. Pathetic, huh. If only someplace like the Hogwarts library existed... In Singapore. Sigh. Ah well.

Other than the fact that nothing much went according to plan today, I guess it was quite okay... =) Considering that I actually did some things (made myself useful) and well, it was serene. I enjoyed the walk to Taka and back. =)


Signing off... ...

Hisashiburi...

Okay, so I had initially wanted to blog the moment I got home last night... My hands were just ITCHING to get on the computer... but my brother was doing something with the comp... fixing some stuff I think... so I couldn't. Wah. I so wanted to record the elation I had felt, but since I was unable to, I shall try to do so now. ^-^;;

Japanese Class: Okay, so yesterday night was my first lesson for my JLPT 1 preparation class. I had a new teacher (Abo- sensei) and well, she speaks pretty slow. Much slower than my current teacher (Kanai sensei) at least, but then again, she's the fastest speaker in the school ^^;; Anyway, when I signed my name on the attendence list, I noticed a name I hadn't seen in ages - and the first words that left my mouth were "Nicole's here??" The receptionist looked up at me and went "She's actually in the Saturday class" but I barely even acknowledged it, and practically ran to my classroom, almost banging into Kanai sensei in the process.

When I finally got to my classroom, I saw her sitting at the second row, and quickly went to sit next to her. Both of us were grinning like idiots, and I must say it was the best I've felt in class for ages. The great times I had when we were in the same class went through my mind, and it had seemed sooo long... Well, technically it was. A year and a half I should think. The class was boring to say the least, but it was so much more bearable with Nicole. I guess the only turn-off was the amount of notes and homework the teacher bestowed upon us... Sigh. It just reminded me of how important this exam will be, especially with how expensive this particular preparation class is compared to the normal classes... Practically twice the price if I remember correctly.

Anyway, Nicole was drawing stuff on her paper, and I couldn't help chuckling-- alright, giggling (gosh, I hate that word) -- whenever I turned my head and saw her drawings. Once or twice I even added stuff to it, like old times. I went home that night grinning from ear to ear.

Work: No, no, I haven't gotten a job yet, damn it. I need it, I know I do, since I need the money... but I just haven't gotten down to finding one. It's so damn pissing.


Signing off... ...

Reflections

Myself: Argh. I'm getting bloody irritating recently, I realised... I have no idea what's wrong... but I haven't just been _acting_ weirdly... I reflected, and found that my morals have been well... I don't really have a word for it. Just that, I compare myself now to who I was a year or two ago, and I'm greatly alarmed at the difference.

Most, of not all, of my good _old_ friends would know that I'm a true blue Gryffindor. And I know Slytherin too. And she would give me all the 'OMG, you're truly Gryffindor...' comments and she would say it as if it were a bad thing. Okay, those good friends will know exactly who I'm talking about, but the point is, I realise that I've become more, well, aloof. And I'm losing those 'Gryffindor' traits. I'm starting to get more self-centered and I hate it. Recently I tend to talk more about myself, and it's pissing. Really really REALLY pissing.

It's true you know -- how easy it is to listen to the 'devil', or rather, the bad side of you... It takes more effort to be good once you step into the 'bad' side... What I used to do without thinking, I hesitate too much to do now. And in the end, I just don't do it. Like... I can't think of an example now... but I know the change is there. My manners have worsened, and I can't even talk too politely now... The last only came about after entering JC, and seriously, I'm quite apalled by it. I know how it happened-- it happened in an extremely futile attempt to be less 'shy' when meeting new people. Now that I've succeeded, I feel like I've lost a lot more... and that... isn't good.

Harry Potter, and SNARRY!!: Okay, my old friends will know what I'm talking about, again. Heheh... Yes, yes, I've fallen again. Probably just as badly as before... I was watching the Harry Potter movies at home, and like OMG, I fell. If memory serves me right, I belive I gushed somewhere halfway through the show... particularly at the Snarry bits. Of course, the DracoHarry bits made me go crazy too... but *cough* that's not the point. ^^;; I doubt my new friends will understand half of this, but, ah well. Their opinion of me might change if they _do_ realise what I'm talking about... ^^;; Anyway, don't mind me if I start gushing about Snarry the next time I talk to you, whoever you are.

Work: Okay, so I just sent the email to Popular asking for a job... and I do hope it turns out well... The email didn't turn out exactly like I wanted it... (Like I said, I don't know where my politeness and manners went to. Probably on holiday or something...) But I do hope it didn't give too bad an impression. The standard of that email compared to the one I sent during the December holidays to a restaurant (which didn't succeed may I add) was miles apart, and not in the good way. Ah well. I guess all I can do now is wait.

Mannerism: Okay, I pissed my mum off, and my dad too, in the course of the last few hours. Argh. I don't know how my brother can control himself so well... I just can't do it. I screamed at my dad, and then argued with my mum. Not a good way to spend the evening. And after I screamed at my dad, he wanted to go back to his laptop, but I was sitting in the chair somewhere along the way to his destination. He blocked my only exit and said 'move'. I stared at him, and he repeated "move, I want to go through". How the freak do you expect me to move?? I wasn't exactly in a good mood so I stared at his feet pointedly and went "You move back. I can't make way with you blocking me!" And obviously, he complied. Bet you he wasn't happy. But thankfully everyone in my family is forgiving. Not long after I calmed down, everyone was happy again. ^-^

Follow the leader?: "Why are you following me?" "I am not." "Yes, you are." "What makes you think so?" A stare. "You are."

Yes, I know. I am. So I deny it, but hey, I never realised until you actually pointed it out to me. Sure, that incident had been in a literal sense. But I went home to think about it. Am I following you blindly? Am I? I don't know. It's been second nature, I guess. A role model, in a way. But when I think about it, I'm following him because I want to be able to do what he does, right? Because I want to learn. NOT because he's doing it. We just happen to have similar interests. Like how I developed an interest in Japanese, and then realised that he learnt it before too.

I guess it's in the blood. " There are so many seats in front, why must you stand behind me? I'm happy standing here." So I go and sit instead. I wasn't exactly doing it because he said it. It was because he pointed it out. I could have just stood there anyway, but that would have been stupid. I mean, there were seats right in front of the TV, why should I _not_ sit and stand at the back like a fool? Really, the silliness of it.

The similarities are uncanny, but I just can't help but notice some differences too. His will, I suppose, is so much stronger than mine. So is his mind. Me? I'm so easily influenced that even _I_ am getting furious abou it. Since young, my mum said that I was smarter than he was. I didn't believe that though. He has the potential, and is hardworking. Me? I'm neither. Potential? Perhaps I do have it, somewhere deep, hidden. Just waiting to be uncovered. I like to think it that way.

Argh. I think I've revealed too much. My mind just wandered I suppose... I know I'll get teased by Amanda for rambling again, but I guess that's just how I do stuff. ^^;; Ah well.

Apologies to all: Sorry for the extremely long-winded entry. I haven't updated in ages, and I kinda got carried away... ^^;;;


Signing off...... (I'll work hard... I'll try my best...)

I dunno wat 'm doing...

The clock's ticking....
Two more days...
38 hours, 3 mins.
My head's spinning,
Everything's a blur...
What am I still doing here?
Wasting my time in front of the computer?
I should be writing
Writing the letters I promised
But my mind isn't working,
I can't think...
I need more time,
More time with my new friends
With my school...
I promised I'd work hard
I really thought I could...
But save for computing,
I haven't kept to my word...
I need more time...
Much more...
But... ... ...
.
.
The clock keeps ticking...

^^ Another success!!

OG bbq: Yesterday was my OG bbq, and it was really fun!! ^-^ Went to the dentist in the morning, ate lunch with my mum, and then rushed down to Pasir Ris. It was super early when I got there-- I still had half an hour. To my surprise, not long after I reached there, Darryl and Bei Jia arrived. We decided to go walk around White Sands since it was still super early, and lobstered along the way.

Shopping: After everyone came, we started our shopping. I think I ended up screaming and scolding some people cause they refused to listen (or was my voice too soft?) before we actually settled anything. Anyway, we finally finished our shopping and headed down to Pasir Ris park. I took out my camera and started taking photos of our fellow OG26 members, and many started dodging away from my camera. =^^= When we reached Pasir Ris park, we spent quite some time playing at the beach and at the playground before we actually started the fire.

Lost hp: Unfortunately though, Jeff lost his handphone while we were playing at the spider web. I kept dialing his handphone number in hope that someone would pick it up but no one did. When we were climbing the spider web, there was only a malay boy behind Jeff and he disappeared not soon after Jeff lost his handphone. The fact that there was no one else was there meant that he was the only one who could have taken it right? Stupid kid. Don't they go to school?? Haven't their teachers, or their parents for that matter, taught them NOT TO STEAL???!!! Stupid idiotic blasted kids. I can't believe it. He's so darn freaking young and is already stealing. And it was Jeff's new phone too. Damn them.

Fun stuff: Okay, enough cursing. Away from that, our OG started the fire not long after we returned to the pit. Jeff had to leave and most of the rest of the OG left to go play, leaving Raymund, Rachel and I to do the cooking (coincedentally the same few from our OG who helped with the Pegasus figure). By night I was slacking and leaving the cooking to some of the other people. I lied down on the mat on the grass and looked at the stars, and like whoa, it was so cool!! Dean was talking about some stuff about the stars and I learnt that the three stars in a row shows where the north and south are. Thing is, Dean doesn't know how to tell which end is North and which end is South. Which was amusing. He spent some time racking his brain but in the end he only knew where was north because we were next to the beach which was facing the east. ^^;;; I didn't get to cycle though... And I was looking forward to it. =(

Games and apologies: Lots of stuff happened during the bbq, and we played games like zhong ji mi ma. Jing Lun came late, and I ended up screaming at him over the phone cause the OG was too noisy. Nobody seemed to listen when I asked someone to accompany me to look for Jing Lun, which got me slightly irritated. Sorry Jing Lun!! He thought I was angry with him, I think.... ^^;;; Also want to apologise to Bei Jia for getting so irritated with her... Looks like I'm not the only one with a goldfish memory... She kept asking me the same question over and over again. ^^;;;

Anyway, the bbq was extremely fun, and a success~ ^^ Not all who said will go turned up though, but I guess this is the best we could get-- ^^ It was really fun!!! ^-^ Love you all, OG26!!

Special thanks: Thanks to all those who came for the bbq and especially those who came early to help with the shopping-- Darryl, Bei Jia, Dean, Raymund, Han song, Rachel and Jeff. And also Uncle and Shuxian for helping us bring stuff like the chicken and satay. ^-^ You guys made the bbq a great success!! *whistles* =^^=

Sick: I could feel myself falling sick on the morning of the bbq, but I didn't want to skip it, so I found myself feeling horrible yesterday morning when I woke up. Spent the entire yesterday sleeping, and only went to see the doctor at about 8+ in the evening. The doctor was quite blur... I went in half-asleep, and when my mum asked whether I had a fever, I said 'I don't know'. The doctor looked at me, squeezed my hand and said "I don't think she has a fever'. But on the safe side, he took out the thermometer and took my temperature anyway. "Oh, she has a slight fever-- 38 degrees" he said, which got me quite bewildered. I looked at the thermometer and saw '38.0', and I wondered-- That wasn't considered slight, was it? But I was feeling grubby and sick so I just let it go. I collected my medicine and left the clinic feeling very blur. Still coughing and having a runny nose and everything... but oh well.

Hear something different?: Yep, I changed my background song!! ^-^ It's from Howl's moving castle (AKA Howl no ugoku shiro). Thought it was about time I changed the song, so I settled on this one. Especially with my recent photoshoot and all... ^^

Another haphazard entry... Too lazy to type a proper one...


Signing off... ...

DAI SEIKOU!! ^-^

Howl no ugoku shiro photoshoot: DAI SEIKOU!! =^^= Today we had the photoshoot for the small Howl's moving castle group... and it was a success~ Really nice photos, and really funny ones, and a few retarded ones too. ^^ I looked like a baby Howl in some of the pictures though, because of my somewhat chubby face-- But other than that, the pictures were great~ At least in my opinion. ^^ YeaH!!

CT outing: Kore mo DAI SEIKOU!! ^^ My class finally went for a class outing!! ^-^ We ate lunch, played pool, played arcade... ^^ Pretty fun!! Meiling and Pei Yu will know that someone pissed me off during the outing... but it was great seeing everyone enjoy themselves~ ^^ My CT people aint that bad... pretty nice in fact... Still love my OG just as much, or more, though... ^-^ Meiling and William came over to my house after the outing for a while... we played the dancing mat thing, throwing darts thing, and played with the PS2. ^^ All in all it was pretty fun. Only downside to the day was my aching back.


Signing off... ...

Whee!!! OG BBQ!!!

OG BBQ: ^-^ My mum just helped to book the BBQ pit, and it sounds like a very good spot~ ^-^ I can't wait to go... I just hope and pray like crazy that it doesn't rain... Else I have to go kick something... Yep yep. I was busy calling everyone the last 2 days, and just now, I called Camille. She took so long to pick up the phone that when she did I forgot who I was looking for. I stared at the list and asked for 'xue jing', then I suddenly remembered that I already called her house... I started saying 'shit' and looking at the list all over again before I remembered that I called Camille. I think she thought I was crazy or something... ^^;;;; Sadly, she can't go... most of the rest of the OG can though, which is good. ^^

I ponned: Today computing was cancelled, and I had a 3h break before GP. After considering for quite some time, I decided to pon GP and come home first. I had an agenda on what to do once I reached home, but I forgot 1 most important thing the moment I started on the agenda. I settled the BBQ pit thing, played my PS, showered, and then realised that I forgot to write the notes to my friends in NY!!! AHHHHHHhhhhh!!!! I'm so screwed!!! I'll have to do my OG one during the weekend and give it to them during the barbeque... And I have 15 more minutes before I have to leave for Petanque... Wah. I think I better go now before I run late... =(

Haphazard entry, I know... But I'm in a rush so.........


Signing off... ...