Reflections

Myself: Argh. I'm getting bloody irritating recently, I realised... I have no idea what's wrong... but I haven't just been _acting_ weirdly... I reflected, and found that my morals have been well... I don't really have a word for it. Just that, I compare myself now to who I was a year or two ago, and I'm greatly alarmed at the difference.

Most, of not all, of my good _old_ friends would know that I'm a true blue Gryffindor. And I know Slytherin too. And she would give me all the 'OMG, you're truly Gryffindor...' comments and she would say it as if it were a bad thing. Okay, those good friends will know exactly who I'm talking about, but the point is, I realise that I've become more, well, aloof. And I'm losing those 'Gryffindor' traits. I'm starting to get more self-centered and I hate it. Recently I tend to talk more about myself, and it's pissing. Really really REALLY pissing.

It's true you know -- how easy it is to listen to the 'devil', or rather, the bad side of you... It takes more effort to be good once you step into the 'bad' side... What I used to do without thinking, I hesitate too much to do now. And in the end, I just don't do it. Like... I can't think of an example now... but I know the change is there. My manners have worsened, and I can't even talk too politely now... The last only came about after entering JC, and seriously, I'm quite apalled by it. I know how it happened-- it happened in an extremely futile attempt to be less 'shy' when meeting new people. Now that I've succeeded, I feel like I've lost a lot more... and that... isn't good.

Harry Potter, and SNARRY!!: Okay, my old friends will know what I'm talking about, again. Heheh... Yes, yes, I've fallen again. Probably just as badly as before... I was watching the Harry Potter movies at home, and like OMG, I fell. If memory serves me right, I belive I gushed somewhere halfway through the show... particularly at the Snarry bits. Of course, the DracoHarry bits made me go crazy too... but *cough* that's not the point. ^^;; I doubt my new friends will understand half of this, but, ah well. Their opinion of me might change if they _do_ realise what I'm talking about... ^^;; Anyway, don't mind me if I start gushing about Snarry the next time I talk to you, whoever you are.

Work: Okay, so I just sent the email to Popular asking for a job... and I do hope it turns out well... The email didn't turn out exactly like I wanted it... (Like I said, I don't know where my politeness and manners went to. Probably on holiday or something...) But I do hope it didn't give too bad an impression. The standard of that email compared to the one I sent during the December holidays to a restaurant (which didn't succeed may I add) was miles apart, and not in the good way. Ah well. I guess all I can do now is wait.

Mannerism: Okay, I pissed my mum off, and my dad too, in the course of the last few hours. Argh. I don't know how my brother can control himself so well... I just can't do it. I screamed at my dad, and then argued with my mum. Not a good way to spend the evening. And after I screamed at my dad, he wanted to go back to his laptop, but I was sitting in the chair somewhere along the way to his destination. He blocked my only exit and said 'move'. I stared at him, and he repeated "move, I want to go through". How the freak do you expect me to move?? I wasn't exactly in a good mood so I stared at his feet pointedly and went "You move back. I can't make way with you blocking me!" And obviously, he complied. Bet you he wasn't happy. But thankfully everyone in my family is forgiving. Not long after I calmed down, everyone was happy again. ^-^

Follow the leader?: "Why are you following me?" "I am not." "Yes, you are." "What makes you think so?" A stare. "You are."

Yes, I know. I am. So I deny it, but hey, I never realised until you actually pointed it out to me. Sure, that incident had been in a literal sense. But I went home to think about it. Am I following you blindly? Am I? I don't know. It's been second nature, I guess. A role model, in a way. But when I think about it, I'm following him because I want to be able to do what he does, right? Because I want to learn. NOT because he's doing it. We just happen to have similar interests. Like how I developed an interest in Japanese, and then realised that he learnt it before too.

I guess it's in the blood. " There are so many seats in front, why must you stand behind me? I'm happy standing here." So I go and sit instead. I wasn't exactly doing it because he said it. It was because he pointed it out. I could have just stood there anyway, but that would have been stupid. I mean, there were seats right in front of the TV, why should I _not_ sit and stand at the back like a fool? Really, the silliness of it.

The similarities are uncanny, but I just can't help but notice some differences too. His will, I suppose, is so much stronger than mine. So is his mind. Me? I'm so easily influenced that even _I_ am getting furious abou it. Since young, my mum said that I was smarter than he was. I didn't believe that though. He has the potential, and is hardworking. Me? I'm neither. Potential? Perhaps I do have it, somewhere deep, hidden. Just waiting to be uncovered. I like to think it that way.

Argh. I think I've revealed too much. My mind just wandered I suppose... I know I'll get teased by Amanda for rambling again, but I guess that's just how I do stuff. ^^;; Ah well.

Apologies to all: Sorry for the extremely long-winded entry. I haven't updated in ages, and I kinda got carried away... ^^;;;


Signing off...... (I'll work hard... I'll try my best...)