Comments from classmates: Okay, this is something that kinda bothered me... Recently there have been quite a few classmates (obviously guys) who have been commenting about my dressing. Not in a good way, of course. There's this workshop on dressing coming up during the holidays, and some of the guys (the ones I'm closer to) have been telling me that I should really go for that course cause I need it. Okay, I know I don't dress up well, but hey, there's no need to be that blunt!
Inside, outside: There's this phrase in Japanese: "Gaiken yori nakami" [外見より中身] which basically means that your insides (character, personality) are more important than your outsides (looks). Which I agree with wholeheartedly. I've never bothered myself with my looks. Hey, look at me. Since young my mum was the one who bought my clothes, and it's always been the same. Black pants with a T-shirt, socks and sport shoes. I've never given it much thought. Until recently, of course, when I started to get myself a few tops. Just those few.
Looks: I know I've never been a master at dressing... but after those comments I guess I've started to think a little... Given that I'm also growing up. Is dressing up really so important? I mean, I don't look that bad till you feel like laughing or puking when you see me, right? ... Or do I? Then when I went for my japanese class, I talked to a classmate about it... And they gave me comments. All said the same thing. Yes, dressing is important. They said more, but basically that's the gist. And I suppose it somewhat got the point across.
But it's been the same for me for the last 16, no, 17 years of my life. It'll be so embarassing and uncomfortable to change all of a sudden. My friends would know about my low self-esteem... You put me in something totally new, and I freak. I'll start paying more attention to what others think and every comment will strike me hard. I don't know. Should I? Maybe I'll go shopping one day during my holidays...?
Me, inside: I remember what Andrea used to say... "You're too nice! That's why everyone takes advantage of you!" and everytime I'll shrink and go "no, I'm not..." Well, maybe if I do think of myself in a third-person perspective, I agree I that I get taken advantage of, some of the time, all the more so in poly. But am I really 'too nice'? I didn't think so. Or maybe I'm only thinking like that 'cause it's just the me now. With Poly, my defences have gone up a LOT. I get defensive, violent and irritable whenever someone comments on me, be it nasty, nice, or whatever. I've been getting more sceptical than ever, and I know it. But I can't seem to help it... =(
Changes: It might be because they're guys. It's so different from when I'm talking to girls. Back in SC, everyone is so nice, and I guess I can afford to be timid and myself. Then now, a mask slips readily into place and... I don't really know... My Business Chinese class used to be my life buoy in poly. It was one of the ONLY places I could be myself. Then, a few days ago, I met my classmate after my class when I was talking with my Business Chinese classmates. The result was rather disastrous. The overlap was so drastic that I didn't really know how to act. It was scary, to say the least. And the worst thing is... The Business Chinese days are over. Over. Omg. They're over. I won't get to hang out with the guys and girls in my class anymore. ... The thought is rather terrifying.
Birthdays: Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL SEPTEMBER BABIES!! Heheh, I'm lazy, aren't I. But oh gosh, there are SO many of my close friends' birthdays this month. Deone, Momo, Amanda, Meiling, Jazzy... and there are more people whom I'm not close to whose birthdays fall in Sept too. Ah well. Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY again to all of you! ^_^ Heheh...
Btw, I did one of those 'angel' quizzes from Lynette's blog for the fun of it. ^^;; I don't know... is the result really me?
you are a light angel, you are peacful and
giving.you like to make others smile and happy.
as the white angel you care for other more than
your self. you are a total opposite of the dark
angel. you should pay attention to your self
once in blue moon, but never stop giviong.
people like you can make a peaceful world. you
are very likable, in other words it's easy to
make friends. you are unique, there aren't many
like you. good job ;)
what kind of angel suits you the best(cool anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
Signing off... ...
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment